I'm sharing this memory post to secure that I can get at these pictures again, I had lost them. It is funny, just yesterday I remembered this drive. I only did the Bella Coola drive, over the pass, a few times. So they are vivid in my mind. Yesterday I was remembering, spiritually, my sense of awe in myself, doing this journey, as I travelled the road through the river valley that lead up to the higher elevations heading west to Bella Coola.
I was feeling distressed and anxious returning to a place where I did not feel I was doing well and was so depressed. This was 12 months of personal hell for me, with the final straw being the night I went out to the garage to see if it was air tight enough to hold the fumes long enough. I am sure you can get the drift. That was the changing moment when I knew I needed to return home upright before they brought me home in an urn.
It wasn't the people or the place or the posting that almost killed me it was my own personal demons, my own fear and depression, my lack of confidence in my own abilities and the grief I had bottled up after five+ years of study and putting my own spirit aside striving to reach my perception of other's expectations. I was spent and I was worn out and I was exhausted of any semblance of self-care abilities.
That said, I came back! I suffered the humiliation of "quitting" as many accused me. I endured the wrath of the people I hurt by not completing the two years as planned. I suffered and cried as people yelled at me that I had let them down and I stood in shame as people I respected stood up, disdainfully stared me down as they stormed from the room. I returned to my own soul and my own spirit despite what I the outside repercussions were, I partnered with the divine source and healed myself and I am here today to tell the story, witness life on the heavenly side after depression and breakdown.
I am here to help others as they are walking the road of darkness. I am here, that is the blessing in all of this, I came pretty close to not being here anymore. Life can be better and you can make it. I know it is a hard journey back and with the right tools and teacher you can build your life again.
I was feeling distressed and anxious returning to a place where I did not feel I was doing well and was so depressed. This was 12 months of personal hell for me, with the final straw being the night I went out to the garage to see if it was air tight enough to hold the fumes long enough. I am sure you can get the drift. That was the changing moment when I knew I needed to return home upright before they brought me home in an urn.
It wasn't the people or the place or the posting that almost killed me it was my own personal demons, my own fear and depression, my lack of confidence in my own abilities and the grief I had bottled up after five+ years of study and putting my own spirit aside striving to reach my perception of other's expectations. I was spent and I was worn out and I was exhausted of any semblance of self-care abilities.
That said, I came back! I suffered the humiliation of "quitting" as many accused me. I endured the wrath of the people I hurt by not completing the two years as planned. I suffered and cried as people yelled at me that I had let them down and I stood in shame as people I respected stood up, disdainfully stared me down as they stormed from the room. I returned to my own soul and my own spirit despite what I the outside repercussions were, I partnered with the divine source and healed myself and I am here today to tell the story, witness life on the heavenly side after depression and breakdown.
I am here to help others as they are walking the road of darkness. I am here, that is the blessing in all of this, I came pretty close to not being here anymore. Life can be better and you can make it. I know it is a hard journey back and with the right tools and teacher you can build your life again.
#breakingstibah You can do it.
My mantra these days:
I have come a long way...
I have made impressive strides ...
I will continue to raise the bar as I meet my own expectations and I love doing so ...
I celebrate each and every success along the way ...
I love myself and know I am enough ...
I have come a long way...
I have made impressive strides ...
I will continue to raise the bar as I meet my own expectations and I love doing so ...
I celebrate each and every success along the way ...
I love myself and know I am enough ...
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