#breakingstibah ... what is it and how can it be part of my life ...

As I peruse facebook and read the posts I look for things that stir in me a new thought or desire.  Today somewhere in my visual travels through words, posts and pictures I was brought back to a verse in the bible.  Full disclosure, is I have studied the bible in depth as I am a lapsed seminarian; one who studied in seminary.  I graduated with a degree called masters of divinity and stood to be ordained in the Christian church.  It did not happen.  Why?  Because "god" had better plans and I, although fighting and screaming, had to respect that.  How do I define "god"? ... that is a good question for anyone and respect for this question is top on my priority list.

Today, I understand my own journey so much better.  Upon graduation and rejection by the Christian church process, I looked down the road through a deep depression and, while in a haze of alcohol,  wondered about my purpose and meaning of my life.  I faced down the journey and wondered "what now?" and began again.  I turned away from the church and slowly struck out to find out what it is I am to be doing and I have found that and so much more.   Change is not easy, it cannot be easy or we would not learn from it.  The key?  Change is possible, never easy.

The verse Romans 8:33 "Who will bring a charge against God's chosen ones? Since God is the one who justifies, who has the power to condemn?"   With my own travels and journey scripture has taken on new meaning as wisdom literature and I respect it in a whole new way.  As I read it, I have come to a point where I can see beyond my own baggage of the ancient Christian doctrine that was developed to keep the masses in check and to paint "god" as a judgemental and punishing force.  I have deeply connected with the energy that turns the earth, keeps the stars in the sky and produces a tomato from a seed.  I believe firmly that I am a chosen one because, based on the mysterious understanding of far more than I can understand, I know I choose to be here, present and positive.  I choose to have a faith in love and kindness.  With this understanding and choice there can be no charge against me and I live in a peaceful way.  I feel no condemnation because I see the world in a way that allows for a humble spirit and know that human frailty causes great pain and poor choices.  I cannot be condemned unless I condemn myself ... that is the hard work, choosing to love the self.

#breakingstibah is my way of teaching what I have found to be true.  Bringing others to their own realization and laying out a path of firm ground for anyone to walk and find themselves.  #breakingstibah is a means to an end.  A route .... it is a community building exercise ....

I have come so far ... and it is so exciting and life giving. 


Change is hard however always possible!

 ... as the year comes to a close and 2019 is just days away the excitement builds. I love the changing of the year as it refreshes me and reminds me that I can always start over. I can always change my ways. I can always do something again.
I cannot forget or sweep under the carpet the past however what I can to is learn from it and remember how it is important to honour my choices and honour how I handled a situation when I was less observant.
Mindfulness is key to life's journey. Practice of mindfulness makes for an easier life. Most recently I walked into the corner of the glass table top. I now have a bruise. I laughed as I did it because I have not done that for a very long time. In the past, I did it all the time. Ran into things, bumped into stuff, ran headlong into other staff in my past workplaces, nudged up against bad decisions and was always late.
No more. I have changed and I chose to change. I took life by the horns and wrestled it back around to face me. Like riding on the back of a runaway horse I was the passenger in my own life. The hitchhiker that had been picked up by a runaway train, living in the car of blame, victimhood and complicity. Every way I looked at it I was attached to this whirling dervish of energy I called my life.
No more. It has taken a long time to change, mold and break the routines of my own destruction. Nothing happens overnight. I have lots of work to do yet.
How about you? Have you looked into the mirror lately? Have you held up a looking glass to your life so you can see what you need to change?
Be your own best friend and change your thoughts and your life!

(picture is from 2012, a trip that changed my life)


2019 .... it's almost here! What are your plans?

God Is Consciousness! Even more than that God is also the unconsciousness of human existence... it is that which it means to exist.
Quote by Matthew Fox "Our capacity to think, reflect, ask questions, become aware and more aware, expand awareness, all this is consciousness. Is all this God? Is God our awareness--including our awareness and experience of God? Psychologist R. D. Laing thought this; he felt that 'God is our experience of God.' Deepak Chopra says: 'God is pure consciousness, the source of all thoughts, feelings, and sensations.'"
#breakingstibah is coming to the realization of this quote. Being conscious of your own world and where it is you live.
Two fish are swimming and one says, "how's the water?"** The other says, "what water?" "Follow me!" says the first. They swim hard straight up and burst forth into the air above. While up there the first fish says ... "see, there, that's water!" and then they plunge back down. Often we cannot see or be aware of the "water".
So #breakingstibah asks "how's the water?" Do you know? Are you aware? Come walk with me, talk with me and grow!
2019 is almost here. What goals are you setting for personal growth? What challenges are you laying out for change? #breakingstibah ... a plan, a course, a path.
**Analogy: Eddie O'Connor Ph.D. The Psychology of Performance.


Breaking Stibah ....

So here we are, you and I, talking about breaking stibah.  Sounds like a term that would be attached to a foreign language, a religious ritual or maybe messing with rules and regulations.  Honestly, it is all of that wrapped up into a lifetime of learning.  It's something to be discussed over a cup of tea.

What is breaking stibah?

It is a pattern interrupt.
It is a change of direction.
It is process.
It is "the way" you will travel.
It is learning.
It is hope.

I am Cynthia Breadner and in 2019 I will celebrate my 60th birthday.  This may not be significant to anyone but me, however, I have witnessed 60 years on this planet and every one of the last 39 years has been filled with learnings and life's lessons.  Not one of the last 40 years have I not wondered,  "why I am here on this earth".  Not one of the last 61 have I not known there is a purpose to my existence of which I now better understand.

More recently, over the last 10 - 15 years, I have been engaged in a spiritual journey to find the answers.  I found the answer.  The answer I found is there are no answers.  What I found is more questions and how we ask and live those questions propel us forward and how we grow.  This is what breaking stibah is all about.  Breaking stibah is about breaking through, breaking routine, breaking historical learning and breaking out of your shell.

The word "stibah" was inspired through my reading of the Harry Potter books this past year.  I had pledged to read 12 books cover to cover in 2018 and, with my daughter's probing, I decided to read the seven HP books.  I am currently reading #6 The Half Blood Prince ... I have completed more than my 12 promised books, some were audio as I was reading the Harry Potter series.  In the first book there was the mirror of erised .... from the book comes this,  "Erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi"   At this point I am not going to go into what it all means.  If you figure it out maybe it will interest you enough to find out  more about my programs, teaching and leading.  If you cannot see it, then come to my introductory program and you will learn what it is all about.

Walk with me,
Talk with me,
Share the journey with me.
Are you brave enough?
What if I show you everything you need to know?

Contact me today I have the kettle on!

Cynthia Breadner M.Div., BA Hons., 
Hypnotherapist, Grief Counselor, Healthy Eating and Weight Loss Coach,
Group Fitness Certified, Personal Trainer. 


Fall Programming

2018 Fall ... where did this year go?  I can't believe it!

Now the fall is here I will be launching new programming to add to the momondays Barrie work I am doing.  It is so much fun to build a stage event featuring storytelling and have it be enjoyed by so many people.  Please be sure to visit the link and if you are in the area come to an event.

The work I will be launching this fall is deep in alignment with the practices I have been studying for the past many years.  With going back to school in 2007 as a mature student and learning so much about personal journeying and spiritual care I find I am now able to share that with others.  As humankind we struggle with grief, loss and challenges in everyday life and often do not take the time to recognize or deal with the fallout.  This is baggage that is carried forward into the rest of our life!

Fruitful living comes from mindfulness and from caring about ourselves deeply enough to pay attention.  It is seen by cultural society to pay attention to oneself or to be "selfish" is a sin!  It is not!  To care for self is the ultimate in caring for others.  How many times have you been in an aircraft and had the teaching say, "Put your own oxygen mask on first before you help those around you."  This directive is because unless you are safe and have oxygen you are of no use to anyone else.

Caring for self by exploring the four quadrants of health is a deep and circular exploration.  It is not done quickly, nor is it a one stop shop of learning.  As a person uncovers trauma and peel back the emotional scarring they learn so much more about themselves.  This is an ongoing practice.

I have been there and done this many times over and now am in a safe and rewarding place where I can help others begin their exploratory journey into the body, mind and soul. 

When you are inspired to change and make a difference in your life you can only become better.  Better for you and for your family and friends.  Come with me and join one of my workshop series that is happening in your area.  If you wish to have me facilitate the four quadrant workshop in your town, please contact me at 647 234 9351 or Cynthia.Breadner at gmail dot com.

I would love to hear from you!


the flow of currency

I saw a woman begging on the median just off Yonge street in Newmarket yesterday. My conscious thought is always I am going to hand her some money. Yesterday, being no different, I thought that and reached for my purse remembering all I had was a $20 bill.

I brought my hand back and passed her by and sat at the light. Then I realized this wasn't a moment for her it was a moment for me and I gave her the $20 bill. As she folded it into her hand and bowed to me I realized she did not look at it, nor did I get the recognition for a $20 that my ego needed ... it gave my deeper self the opportunity to shine and bring forth the realization that it was about me letting go of a $20 bill KNOWING there are many $20 bills coming my way at all times. Maybe not in the form of a $20 but in the abundance of enough.

I always have enough and when I allow all currencies to flow, money, spirit, emotion and physical energies ... they all come back to me more abundantly than I can give them away. The sun always finds it way to shine through and is always abundantly fruitful.


A body strong....

This morning I ran hard ... 6.34 kms in about 42 minutes.  I could taste the salt and feel the sweat running down between my breasts and my shoulder blades.  My eyes were burning as the sweat trickled into them.  My nose running with heavy mucus, as it seems to be when I push, that I must snort out to the side, into the grass, taught to me by my dad, clearing the passages of my breathing.  It feels good to push my body and know it can take it.  It feels satisfying to know my heart is beating, my lungs are breathing and my legs are working hard.  This body, 59 years old, is meant to work hard, meant to sweat, meant to strain and push. 

Isak Dinesen (1885-1962) was right.  "Unlike men, who are often getting a little shaky as they approach their sixties or retirement age, many women are feeling more independent, more optimistic, more powerful." (Younger Next Year pg. 4) Women can come into their own as they reach their wisdom years and I am living proof.  Seems like just yesterday I was a young woman of 26 with a baby in her arms heading to the doctor.  The baby was only weeks old and I was struggling with body image and dropped to a frail 105 lbs before realizing I was killing myself.

Women have a lifetime of change.  Biologically we go through so much and endure hormonal changes with or without grace.  We either welcome these changes as a woman's journey and embrace it spiritually or we fight kicking and screaming, angry to the core.  Either way, as we hit our wise years there begins a journey of understanding.  We begin to realize how mother earth nurtures us and we begin to embrace the feminine of our being.  I am there now, at 59 years old I begin the one year preparation to move into the second half of my life.  I have decided to live to 120 years of age and do it with grace and with strength.  This comes from 59 years of dragging and struggling with fitting into the world when I have come to realize I am to stand out.  I am choosing to shoot for the biological stretch, of what the human body is capable of, and live to well over 100 years old

Just in the past year, I have witnessed what my body is capable of taking on.  In March 2017, right after my grandson was born, my daughter was beginning her journey back to strength.  Her words, "you should train with me Mom!"  Those six words changed my life.  I have always been fit and continued a life of strength training and group fitness classes, but had dropped off consistency or any sort of plan.  By her encouraging and, more-so, challenging me I stepped onto the road and began. 

Last year, I completed five long distance running races and three triathlons in my first year of training.  That was where it started.  The seed was planted and my desire to grow this challenge began.  Today I ran 6.34 kms in about 42 minutes.  Yesterday I rode with the Barrie Baydogs social ride 42 kms in 2.25 hrs and on Thursday last week I swam 500 meters in open water at Kempenfelt Bay.  

I choose to continue to grow and listen to my spirit.  I choose to be healthy and let go of the stresses in our world.  I am caring about my own needs and bringing them to the forefront of my life and ensuring I am taken care of, because if I don't take care of me, who will?

Walk with me on this journey.  Stay beside me and let me encourage you ... Can you put yourself first for a change and let go of the world, just for a minute?

"The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears or the sea."  Isak Dinesen



On my back...

How I feel today...... Click here!

Good morning fellow turtles... today I am seeking energy from my fellow turtles. I am working on rebirth of me with yet a new journey in life. This seems to be my life's work is working on life's plan. It scares me so much and I end up pulling in my head and my feet and curling up in my shell afraid of the world. Do you ever feel like that?
It takes so much strength of character to stay out of my shell and continue plugging along, when the road gets challenging and scary! Finances are so tight right now and it becomes my main focus which is where I then go ... toward tight finances.  This happens when we laser beam our focus on something.  It manifests.... 
Please think of me today as you live life abundantly and know there is always enough and life is not about money. Life is about getting out there, showing up and being strong and the money will take care of itself. Today I must keep the intention of goodness in my sights and fear not that I am struggling with my financial energy today. There are four other currencies I can draw from ... Spiritual, Emotional, Mental, and Physical.  I teach about them, funny how the teacher must be reminded to also be the student!
The video is so relevant ... today I feel like I am on my back! Fellow turtlers please come with your energy and help me back on my feet! We are a tribe and in tribal life we gather in community in any way that supports the greater good!
How I feel today...... Click here!
Thank you everyone for listening!

I belong to a turtle tribe of friends lead by one of my favourite people Kevin Bulmer! 

Check him out! Kevin Bulmer  His wonderful talk "No Schedule Man" is powerful!


Finding Joy!

Most readers have watched the movie The Wizard of Oz, a childhood favourite of mine, where so much happens that is metaphorical even though we mostly watch it for entertainment.  It is scary in places, scary like real life can be scary.  I am a movie buff and enjoy watching movies from a “what lesson can I learn” perspective. 

The Wizard of Oz is particularly special in my life as I look back on more years than I expect to have going forward.  I am bearing down on my 60th birthday in 2019 and over the past year have been contemplating my life’s work and my journey so far.

Most recently I started a small bucket list that reflects a year or two out.  I am not sure why I am not looking beyond 2019, I just am not, I have chosen to list the things I want to do this year and in the actual year I turn 60.  I believe this is because I have never looked forward before.  It seems my life has been a watch my toes kind of life.  I have watched, head down, each step taken, and it has proven to be a bleak way to live.   As I have created this small short-term bucket list it feels like it is the key to the longer story, the next thirty years as Tim McGraw sings about in his popular country song. 

The longest goal I have set is to visit Ireland, the home of my ancestors in 2019. Visit the place where the original six children, who migrated with their parents in the 1800’s, were conceived and connect with the deep roots of my DNA.  A shorter goal I set was to sing at the music festival this spring, which I did on April 4 in Barrie, Ontario.  I received first place and a medal to show for my efforts.  I suppose I should tell you I was the only one in my category so first place was inevitable however that did not make the victory any less sweet.

How does this relate to The Wizard of Oz?  In the movie Dorothy and her collection of misfit friends make their way to Oz, together in community, each seeking their own.  Their own deep yearning for something to tell them they are worthy, successful and give them a reason for living.  The Scarecrow seeking a brain, the Tin Man a heart, and of course, the Cowardly Lion seeking courage and of course, Dorothy who simply wants to go home.  All these treasured characters are a part of me, and a part of you, and are the fodder for a life’s journey.  Singing in the festival and gaining the first-place certificate, the inexpensive medal hanging on a ribbon and the words of the adjudicator satisfied my seeking for courage.  In the sweet words of the adjudicator, she told me I was “brave” as not many people my age grace her with their presence in a music festival.  I performed a song that, I have told many, chose me.  When I decided in January to register and sing in the spring festival, my teacher said, “what do you want to sing?” I had no idea!  So, I went to her home and she had pulled out some books. They were laying on the floor.  I reached for one book in particular.  It was the musical score from the Broadway production “Jekyll and Hyde”.  As I flipped lightly through it, the book paused on the song “Someone Like You” and I read the words.  I said, “this is it!”  -- “… if someone like you, found someone like me, my heart would take wing, I’d feel so alive …”

From 2007 – 2013 I was in university, at 47 years old I decided to get post-secondary education.  I had finished grade 12 in 1977 and never pursued anything further.  During the BAHons. program, from May 2007 – August 2009, I was most often the oldest in the class, with the exception of some of the professors.  From that straight into a theological master’s degree. From August 2009 – December 2012 I watched my toes as I put one foot in front of the other to achieve this massive mission.  I achieved in six years a Bachelor of Arts degree (with honours) and a master’s degree receiving the diplomas to prove, like the Scarecrow, I have a brain.  It was bittersweet success that was clouded with personal trauma, self-doubt and mental depression.  Although the respected institutions of knowledge awarded me with the necessary credentials I still was, like Dorothy, seeking home.  The credentials were lost in the muck and the mire.

Both singing in the festival and beginning to reflect on the anniversary of my 60th year has created in me a need to seek a heart.  Like the Tin Man my chest has felt empty for years.  I have felt paralyzed with rusty joints and immobilized by an emptiness I could not explain.  I cannot explain where I lost my oil can or when I put JOY on the dusty top shelf of my daily quest for health and happiness, but I know I did.  Somewhere along my life I lost the oil of life, I lost JOY.   JOY is the oil that keeps a person pliable and free moving. 

Deep within myself, singing that song on April 5 at 3:55 pm my heart awakened.  I was somehow given permission to have heart, take pride in my accomplishments, and know I have great courage and I found home! I found my Wizard deep within and the Wizard told me “Someone like you” loves me.   Powerful words that I had practiced for weeks to prepare for the staging of my coming out party.  In all my personal glory, I came out of hiding that day and I now know someone like you loves me.

Who is this “you” I am talking about?  This “you” is the deepest part of myself that has been hidden and overcome with messages from my past that had my ego in the driver’s seat.  This “you” is my desire to be whole, loving and steadfast in my own journey toward fulfillment of pleasure in life.  I was asked recently if I was often told “don’t get too big for your britches”? A light went on.  I was told exactly that many, many times as a child and a young adult and I believed until now I needed to fit the britches that were made for me by well-meaning family members.  On the stage of that music festival I took off those britches and am now fitting well into a new pair!  Through all my theological education where seeking the divine becomes book work education, on that stage I found the sacred is deep within and divinely beautiful.   It all came together.

I recognize I have a brain, I am smart and have much to offer the world.
I recognize I have courage to be the best I can be, and trust it is received with the passion intended.
I know I have a heart and JOY has begun to make its way back into my life.
Best of all I know there is no place like home!  HOME is deep in my own soul where my brilliance, my courage, and my heart joyfully play together within my essence and like sunshine on a dreary day pours out for others to see!

There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home, there’s no place like home.

Cynthia Breadner is a self-made entrepreneur, who for the last 15 years, has been motivating and inspiring people from a stage and is the host of momondays in Barrie.  She is an accomplished speaker sharing time with groups, large and small, who listen for encouragement and support.  Cynthia is a certified group fitness coach and personal trainer and she is trained as a healthy eating and weight loss coach.  In 2017 she completed six cross country races, three triathlons and a half marathon.  CynthiaBreadner.com


How to love your mother ...

In the most recent past I have made a large shift in my life.  I cannot believe the chaos it has created in my day to day operations.  It is like I have taken a stand against myself and myself is shocked.  Myself is in disarray and confusion.  Myself is asking "what the heck?" Myself is asking "what is she doing?"  Myself is saying "I cannot seem to drag her back into her old habit!" and stomps off in despair.  This is challenging to say the least.

When a person sets out to break a habit that is 20, 30 or even 40 years old the ego is truly compromised.  The ego (another way of saying Edging God Out, however you define GOD) has been in charge for a very long time so when a person allows the passions and the deep yearnings to surface and be the driving force the ego is displaced.  Funny how that happens.

It is not easy to drop the ego and stand on passion.  Society and culture do not support a passion driven life and marketing is geared to rev up the ego and drive materialist needs.  Live in a nice house, own property, own clothes, drive a nice car, articulate what you do for a living, standardize your hair style, lose that five pounds, etc., etc.,

I have this photo of my mother and I over my desk in my work space.  I have built a name for my business using her name and part of my dad's name and I have spent the last 10 years since her death trying to reconcile with how to love her from beyond.  I remember people telling me when I was caring for her to enjoy her as I would be sad when she died.  I did not believe them, now I do.  I wish I had her back because I am now living in the space where she lived after I was born.

My mother was 40 years old when she had me ... so right now I would have been eighteen years old when she was 58.  How would I cope with a 18 year old right now?  In a changing world where I look to my children's children and it scares me what kind of life they will have on a planet that we are slowly depleting the resources.  A place were there will be war over water and a place where the threat of complete annihilation is always only the push of a red button away at any given moment.

I am learning how to love my mother by living the best I can.  As I develop and grow myself I do it in honour of my mother's contribution to this plant in her own way.  She developed me the best way she knew how and I now can honour her by being my passionate and holistic self.

How do you love your mother ... mother earth, mother of ideas, mother of your soul ...


Am I Dorothy or one of the others?

I love setting goals that are outside most comfort zones and then fulfilling them.

Yesterday I completed the first of many appearances on stage as a singer! I stepped out of my zone and registered for the Barrie Music Festival and had the adjudicator tell me how I am able to lift my voice in song and round out my own personal story.

It was such a thrill.

The last time I was at the music festival was in 8th grade! I love to sing and now I have a medal to tell me I can! I feel like one of the characters from The Wizard of Oz ... I have got my degree, I have got my medals of courage and strength, and I know I have heart!

Over the past few years, since 2014 I have been struggling to discover who I am and where my strengths lie. I had spent 10 years giving of myself to a career I thought was my life's work only to be rejected, stoned and crucified emotionally and spiritually. This took such a toll on my heart and soul.

The easiest thing to do was to bury myself in the bottom of a wine bottle. Well not even a bottle it was a 4-litre box of wine and not even a 4-litre box ... it was two and sometimes three boxes a week. In the summer of 2015 I found my therapist Jennifer who specializes in NLP and it was the beginning of my work. I personally had to dig deep and CHOOSE to build a new life around my strengths and my desire to feel well again in all the areas of health. Emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally. Jennifer is a blessing to my life as I continue to work hard everyday.

The first part of my journey I uncovered much of the damage that was being masked by the coping mechanisms I lived out daily in my life. I assessed and spent time inside my own body and thoughts to see where life was being derailed. It is not easy work and yet it is so rewarding. I am still at it and will be at it for the rest of my life.

One of the daily tasks I set out to accomplish is to practice calming breaths and touching base hourly, sometimes minute by minute, with my inner thinking. It is crucial to my well-being and my daily accomplishments.

2019 is a milestone year for me and I am growing toward many bucket list goals that will set the pace for My Next 30 Years! You can too ...



#whatsinitforme is a motto I adopted in 2018 not to be selfish, to be mindful of my needs in this life...

I began a journey to be mindful of my own need at the beginning of this year and already I am reaping the benefits of this motto.  Not because I have become selfish and arrogant but because I am mindful of what I need to be healthy and happy every day!  

Today, April 4, 2018 I will complete one of my goals this year which is singing at the Barrie music festival.  The last time I sang in the festival was in grade 8, in the 70's, where Rosemary always took first place!  I never placed when I sang and was always feeling like I was in her shadow!  I met Rosemary in the last couple of years and I told her this and we had a laugh because she never knew and certainly did  not win the festival to spite me.  She won because she has a beautiful voice.

This mindfulness is taking me on a journey inside myself.  Today, April 3, I am days alcohol free.  The last time I could say that I was 20 years old!  Alcohol has been a part of my life for so long I did not know what life was like without it.  How to celebrate successes or how to look myself in the mirror. 

This mindfulness has taken me on a journey of self value!  That is the beginning of the best part of this motto!  I love caring for myself and the doors this 90+ days has opened.  

Watch for more thoughts as I work toward the half ironman and my trip to Ireland to return to my ancestral roots in 2019,  two of the bucket list items I am planning for my 60th birthday.  Putting the pieces together.