in the Vortex....

What is a vortex?  A vortex is defined as a mass of whirling fluid or air, especially a whirlpool or whirlwind.  It is often seen as destructive or something to be feared.  That said, what if you were to put all your desires and passions into the vortex and let them strengthen and meld together and then touch down in your life?  What if you were to trust there is a vortex of divine love just waiting to take you places that you can only imagine at this point because they are in your dreams?  What if I was to tell you these dreams are simply a thought away? 

For the past 40 years I have been dreaming about what I desire and then thinking my way into my own self destruction ... then in January of 2018 I woke up, I dried out, I set aside that which was most in my way.  Alcohol and my own thoughts.  How many times have you been doing something and when all was said and done, you looked at it and said, "ah man, I knew that was going to happen!" and it was not what you wanted to happen, but it was what you "knew" would happen?  This is what I am talking about.  The deep belief of our thoughts that dictate the path of our lives.

I am so excited about the third trimester of my life I can barely live with myself.  I have finally unleashed the passion that has been in my heart and I am living a place of deep knowing.  This knowing is the divine source of my spirit and soul that pines and wants only joy and happiness for me.  I have arrived at the place where my spirit and soul are now in the driver's seat and the EGO is a healthy dose of direction and guidance instead of a dictating, challenging and harmful noise.

How did I get here?  With perseverance and choices and, most of all, an open and non-judgmental thinking and being existence.  It is so easy it is unbelievable however it is so easy that it feels like it is too good to be true, and to most people it will be.  Not because they cannot be here too but because they do believe it is too good to be true and often, with these people, the first words out of their mouth is, "oh, I can't ..." and as Henry Ford said, "if you think you can or you think you can't, you are right".

So here I am, on top of the world ready to launch into 30 more years of my life, happy, healthy, passionate and proud.  Come with me, won't you?   Talk to me, ask me how I did it!  Let me share my learnings and help you get where you want to be.

This past week I was in first aid training and met an amazing young man.  He is so observant and he is on a path to finding this deep passion.  He is so far ahead of where I was in my 20's and I am envious only because I love where I am so much I wish I had learned it earlier, but I didn't.  So now I can make the best of the next 30 years and let go of the past.

The divine love I am witnessing is big enough for all.  There is room for all and through proper channels and hard work you can be here too.  I want to help.  No fees, no strings, no programs (unless you want one) just conversation and community.  Come join me #breakingstibah .... be the best you can be.

Look into your crystal ball and tell your own future, write it on the wall!


Journey to Ireland

As I work through the planning of the trip to Ireland this September there is much more to it than the flight, accommodation and meal planning.  For me it is a journey a long time coming.  It started in the 1700's where the ancestors are rooted.  Not just for Irish lands, for history and past lives lived, and a place that bears roots to my own existence.

As I work through my life planning the third trimester this trip to Ireland is the pivot point of the next thirty years ... it seems I have come to the place where I am now ready and spiritually able to do what I came to do.  Fulfill what I believe is my "bus stop" conversation.  Spend time observing and perfecting the "soul contract" or soul's purpose that I have uncovered.  Bring to fruition that which is deep in my heart.

I recently listened to a podcast talking about having a job verses what is your life's work.  As per usual it arrived in my life just when I was ready to hear the message.  It was a message, a message for me to say, "good work, faithful servant, you have arrived!" from the one song, "uni-verse" that I listen to so intently these days.  In the past few months I have been learning a new "job".  A job that has taken me on a new path to my own learning.  This job is now teaching me about my "work".  I have come to see my work is being with people.  Growing that which is awareness around the energy that feeds us to live a full human existence and to life to the fullest potential our own "bus stop" story.

The "bus stop" experience story or the finding of your "soul's purpose" is a deep understanding of who you are spiritually.  What does your spirit look like?  What is your purpose?  How can you find yourself? Why would you want to do so?  All deep questions that I have pondered over the past20 years and beyond.  As a little girl I always talked out loud to myself, answering the questions that seemed to be present in my mind.  Thinking in duality.  I am sure if I had shared this I would have been wrapped up and sent to the hospital as being unwell.  This craft of talking with myself has come full circle.  It is part of why I wish to return my soul/spirit to Ireland to stand on the ground where Robert and Eliza began.  I realize there is more beyond Robert Breadner, splat here (born) January 26, 1796 and he was a child of the evolutional self that is now me, and so I know it is just two points on the continuum of lives lived.  It feels right and full and real for me to begin my next thirty years there in Ireland, in the County of Armagh.  This means of being connected to the self from the time I was quite small is the remnants of my childhood angelic state that most of us forget.  Today I am my own best friend, my own greatest fan, lover, companion and truly my own source of greatest peace.

My work is to take the first 60 years of my life's lessons and share the wisdom with others as I walk with them along their way.  Give them tools and experience as their teachers so they too can find their own way to fulfillment.  My job takes me to the intersection where that can happen and my "jobs" always have done that.  I have had many jobs because the jobs are the feint, or the deception, of the heart to take me along the road.

What is your life's work?  Are you simply a pawn in the game of life?  These questions now have meaning for me where I have found clarity and see more clearly.  Such a gift.  The next thirty years for me will be living out this work I am being called to listen to; that which is the soul contract my spirit signed up for.  Can you face and find your call?  Come and walk with me, let me guide you and be your beacon, stepping ahead and keeping you on track ...


New Adventures

The work I am engaged with for myself continues to lead me down paths of desire and hope where I am able to engage with others.  Yesterday I attended the inaugural council meeting of the faith community I have been engaged with for over five years.  I have been searching and seeking to be one of them.  The last time I engaged in process it did not go so well. 

#breakingstibah is key to my survival.  As I seek to break my own poor habits, choices and engagements with that which does not serve me I will continue to feel abandoned and losing hope.  Yesterday I was given hope.  Hope came in the hugs of welcome from those I had not seen in a very long time.  Hope came in the encouragement that I received to continue the quest.  Hope comes in the form of a blog post landing in my vision today reminding me about the green man and my love of planet.  Hope comes as I refuse to give up on what my soul and spirit are hungry for, to build community and find a place for the weary to rest in a world that continues to explode with technology and pressure to perform.

I have begun painting and writing again and choosing to step back from that which does not serve me.  I continue to run and cycle feeding my physical self with the exercise I need to stay strong and healthy.  I continue to eat right (well, mostly with the exception of my love of frozen yogurt) and nourish my cells and biology.  Most of all I continue to nourish my soul with reading and steeping myself in those who I trust in wisdom.

I collected all my flower photos last night into a virtual file and am going to create a book of them for myself.  I hold dear the quest of the bloom to continue to come back each year after a cold dark winter.  I relish in the beauty and colour of flowers bursting forth into existence and Mother Nature's way of colouring up the landscape.  Spring is here and summer slumber is upon us.  So continues my journey to love, lead and share time with anyone wanting to join me.

As a journey companion I walk in faith with anyone wanting to walk with me.  Come along... take a step and find your heart once again.


Is it magic?

In my philosophies and beliefs is a true understanding that when we choose to see there is a world that opens up to us, available to everyone, however we must choose to believe and see.  It is a magical place of energies and messages from those spirits who travel with us.  Spirits from our time on earth that have left this earthly realm and many others who are sent to us by the Uni-Verse (One-Song) to walk with us on our journey and make life beautiful.  As we mar our basic five earthly senses with poor diet choices, attitude and vices (eg alcohol, prescription drugs and street drugs) we place scales on our eyes and flaps over our ears.  Our senses are restricted to a dull roar of a world marred in challenge and crap. 

I choose to engage with all the energy I can going far beyond and afar. 

Last night I did not sleep as soundly as I might have.  I had written a submission for a book before going to bed so my soul was out and about revisiting all the past doings I have experienced.  I was restless and slumbering just below the surface and just above the REM sleep necessary for rest.  I awoke at 8:50 am which is late for me.  As I sat up, after stretching and thanking my body, I was putting my socks on from the side of my bed.  I did not have my glasses on and so when I saw the gold shiny object on the carpet about four feet in front of me, I was so thankful as I realized it was one of my precious earrings that I wear.  I immediately reached to touch my lobes and all four earrings were present and accounted for.   I put on my glasses and finished putting on my socks moving about looking directly at the shiny gold object and put on my house shoes.  With my glasses on I could see it even more clearly and it still resembled the gold hoop earring I wear only with small tines that looked crown like.  It was then that I rose and reached for it as I did it disappeared for a split second and I lost track of it.  I returned to the bed to see it again and there it was so I focused on the spot and reached again.  When I touched the carpet where it was sitting it was not there.

When I returned to the spot on the bed where I had saw it, it was gone.  I could no longer see it.  Where did it go?  Puzzling I sat quietly on the bed asking the question, where did it go?

The answer came very clearly to me and without hesitation.   In Irish song and voice I heard,

"Here is your pot of gold and your wealth you have been looking for.  You are valuable and rich beyond your wildest dreams and all you choose to accomplish will come to you.  Worry not about the finances of anything as you will find as you travel exactly the gold you need to make your journey work.  Worry not about anything ... simply live and trust and all will be well."

I have a sense of peace about me this morning... It is all well in my world and I am as rich as I need to be in order go forth and do what it is I am called to do.  I have the riches inside of me because as I sat there the voice concluded with,

"You reached the pot of gold and absorbed it into your being... it is not tangible in the material world it is a wealth of the heart and you now reached for it, trusted and accepted.  Go my daughter of Irish roots ... believe in the green."

Thanks be to Celtic wisdom and love .... Thanks be to God!


Good Grief! What is it? How can grief be good?

It can be good.  Grieving is one of life's challenges that can be embraced because through grief we grow.  Life is hard.  Losses are part of it.  Every person has losses of one kind or another.

Right now I am grieving the death of a friend.  I am so sad.  She was 79 years old, full of life, until she wasn't because her heart simply stopped.  No one could do anything.  She called 911 herself, I am told.  Walked out to the ambulance I am told, and then she went to the hospital, and died.  I am so sad.  So how can grief be good?

I am not saying grief "feels" good, I am saying grief can be good.  It is a symbol of love, of passion and of life's engagement.  Should you never witness grief then I dare to say you are not living.  Grief is a symbol of loss in life.  The challenge is how you handle it, how you cope, and what tools you have to work through it.  That is where I can help.

My passion for grief has been long standing.  I presided as witness and clergy to family funerals.  I delivered the eulogy at my father's funeral in 2005.  I then was given the gift of doing it again at our mother's funeral and I presided and facilitated the funeral of my brother who died, at 56, in 2011.  It was through these moments I realized I have a gift for understanding and grieving death for many.  I have the tools and I have love so great my arms can wrap around the world.

Death is part of living.  Benjamin Franklin said there were only two things certain in life:  death and taxes.  Many have gone further to say, 'too bad they don't come in that order'.  When we befriend death and welcome it into our lives before we must deal with it, dealing with it is so much easier.  Grieving allows us to look death in the eye and say, "you will not defeat me."  In the Christian faith, the death of Jesus is the climax of his life, only to be the beginning of his work in his death.  Through the resurrection story we can claim rebirth and life after death in so many ways. 

This is the challenge I am choosing to take on.  Teaching and coaching people to have a better relationship with dying.  Not only physical human death, that is one form, but also death of a job, death of a relationship, death of a home, and so on, and so on.   Ask questions and I will answer. Come to the corner of hope and cope and I will be there to walk with you!



I am on my way....

As I begin 2019, I have made a decision it is a pivotal year. #breakingstibah is coming into focus and culminating all I have done over the past 15 years toward focusing on what I have to offer the world and pulling together years of experience and wisdom. Just Sunday past, January 6, I celebrated and honoured 40 years of marriage. I am not married to him, and haven't been for years, however I celebrated because it is part of my history that at 18 years old I made decisions not because I wanted necessarily to be married, but I made the decision based on culture, acceptance and road of least resistance and now can see that clearly. I text him and he responded and we fondly and lovingly have dinner together when he is available knowing life is what it is and we honour each others journey.

These pictures remind me I have lots to do. Paths to adventure on and roads to travel.

Turning 60 this year I am beginning once again on a quest to deepen my relationship with myself and building programs that will help others do the same. #breakingstibah is about the perceived grief, loss and sadness in our lives and the turning around and honouring of these three states of being in our lives.

"You cannot suffer the past or the future because they do not exist. What you are suffering is your memory and your imagination. Let me help you relieve both." I do not know who said it. I know I love its truth and wisdom!