Coming to life ...


Over the past year, 2020, so much has come to life for me.  I am growing my therapy practice and am an author and weekly column writer.  I have opened an online e-learning school and have become a grandmother again.  2020 was so good to me and I am very happy.  I hope you are too.  With that I have not been visiting my blog as often as I write and post in the weekly e-paper so you are welcome to follow my writings through my webpage or register for my weekly newsletter.  Here is the link to the most recent offering! 

Bradford Today Weekly Column

I thank you for following my work and caring about this energetic time on our planet.  Take good care and be well!


"Spiritual care is more than religious work.  Caring for the spirit is deep and passionate care about the self and will enhance mental health and well being overall."  Cynthia Breadner


When we get lost, a helping hand reaches out...

I sometimes get lost in life.  Many of us do.  Barbara Brown Taylor wrote a whole book on "Learning to Walk in the Dark" and it helped me so much.  Grief and loss and life's challenges walk along side us all the time.  It is how we cope that can bring out the rich learnings.  My column covers much of these feelings:

Walk with me, Talk with me



Birdsong… what’s in the message.  As I ponder over my tea, sometimes coffee, these mornings in the early summer I watch as the sun rises and the dew dries on the grass.  I hear all the birds singing their various songs.  It is so beautiful to my ears and I love it.   Can you imagine the scene?  Close your eyes and picture your favorite place to sit and listen to the birds.  Sitting in your favorite chair with the sun shining, your favorite morning drink in your hand, maybe a book or a magazine, and you simply stop and listen.  The birdsong of Ontario is so loud and clear and beautiful.  How many different birds are their making up this song?  Where are they?  I can hear them but I cannot see them. 

I remember last year in Ireland we were hiking the Aran Islands heading up to the ruins and there was a robin, in a tree at eye level.  This was an Irish robin, so tiny compared to our Ontario robins.  Much much smaller than what I was accustomed to seeing in Canada.  This robin tiny we robin drew my attention with its song!  This robin was singing a very loud song just for me.  I stopped to listen, it was so beautiful.  I feared if I moved it would fly away, so I stood and listened.  When I stepped closer and the bird never feared I moved even closer.  I decided to take out my camera and take a picture and it stayed.  All the while singing its heart out for me and who ever stopped to listen.  A crowd gathered and the little beak was open and the song was clear and beautiful.  I watched and the tiny wee black eyes were looking right at me and they were saying, “this song is for you!” and the bird continued to sing.  This little bird sang its heart out, at my eye level, that very day.  I stood and watched and listened for a very long time.  I do not speak bird so I have no idea what the message was I could only decipher it on a sound level.  That sound level was crystal clear and angelic.  I captured it and in my heart and my mind’s ear it remains to this day.

Today, with all that is happening around us I am harkened back to Inishmore and listen to that bird’s song, the unknown message continues to be a mystery, however the beauty is still clear.  In its own way of communicating the bird was telling me their story.  We often have that happen through song or speech when we cannot understand language.  French composers and writers, German lyrics, or instrumental language speaking in native tongue for us to hear and absorb that has the ability to bring us to tears with its beauty.  We do not analyze the message we feel it, because we do not speak the language we simply must be moved energetically and it is powerful.

As there are so many voices on the horizon today speaking out in a language I can understand … it is in English, yet the message is almost more than I can take in.  It is brutal and heartbreaking that we are able, as humans, to treat other humans in a way that justifies the need for protests and solidarity.  We are speaking out in fear against a dis-ease that we know nothing about, and we are in troubling times.  Oh, to return to the song of the robin and simply go back to Inishmore and be by that little robin once more. Can I do that today with all the song and voices in the world’s pain?  How can I hear it all not as a cacophony but as a symphony?  The robin’s song I heard energetically, and knew it was good.  I did not need to understand the language, the message was from divine source singing to me to be just, fair, understanding, kind and loving. 

In these troubled times I choose to continue to hear the messages with kindness in my heart.  The song of all people in a global society and culture where 100 years ago local community was all we had.  It is a new environment to be knowing of the world’s woes and work toward a just society with so much input.

May you listen and hear in the language of love and caring.  May you have the ability to know there are voices raised we cannot understand and yet can tell by the tone and the intention there is pain present.  May you show compassion and empathy for your neighbours and hear the song of the robin whistling in your ears.   Feel it and choose to listen with no judgement or rebuttal, listen to all songs and simply hear what is said with no intent to respond.  In the work I do as a death doula and grief worker all anyone wants to know is they are heard.  They want to speak their pain into a world that will accept it and care about it.  Choose to simply stand with others in love and in hope that all songs are heard loud enough to disrupt the entrenched pattern of lives past lived in complacency and disrespect.  Trust as a human species that we have it in us to sooth the pain and sing one song of soulful love and unity.  Start at home, in your own life, read your own bias, hear your own story and then reach out to sing with and to others. 



When do we begin an assumption? When is it we decide about 'things'? Who gives us the world view we hold and how do we arrive at any momentary perceived reality? 
I love these questions as they came out today to me as I pondered recent happenings. I was off from caregiving for a few weeks after going back after a couple of years hiatus. The pandemic rekindled my desire to work in this field. So mid-March I went to work and began building relationship with not only the elders in my care but the people I work with. When did I begin the assumption? 
The assumption: I am not wanted here in this role at this place. I live with that assumption every day every place I go. It has overflowed into isolated running that I do, I feel it. I struggle to go out the door to anything I do, and have now realized it is because of this assumption. 
How did I identify this assumption? When I returned to the work place after a 3 weeks absence many said to me "Welcome back, I missed you!" and "Oh good you are back, we missed you!" and "It is so good to see you, glad you are back" and "Isn't she amazing? So glad she is back" These are all wonderful, genuine comments said to remind me I am loved, valued and cared about. What did I do? Dismissed them and somewhere in my world view/assumption the tiniest of message kept popping in saying, "they are all lying" .... what? where did that come from? As I came home last night and today I sat on this dichotomy of conversation in my own head. I sat in three virtual places ... me in one chair, the comments and persons in another chair, and then my spiritual self overlooking the two and I realized something so deep. 
It goes back to my own alligator tail story (that's for another day) where I deeply have never felt right wherever I am. I have for many years felt like an imposter and a fraud. That people will figure out I have no idea what I am talking about even tho' I talk a good talk, walk a good walk and so on... deep in myself I have no belief in what I do and what my spirit is calling me to do. 
Wow ... does this make any sense to anyone else. If you struggle with imposter syndrome, or this idea that you are a fraud, it is hard to break that habit... that said it can be done! 

Keep working at it... do what I am doing... sitting with these lovely compliments and showering myself in them and show that wee voice it is wrong. I am valid, I do know what I am doing and I have the right to do what it is I am doing!
Photo: Looking at the mountains and the valley below as I flew from Bella Coola to Bella Bella BC and remembering how much I learned being there. #sothankful


Grief can kill you .... don't let it!

I'm sharing this memory post to secure that I can get at these pictures again, I had lost them. It is funny, just yesterday I remembered this drive. I only did the Bella Coola drive, over the pass, a few times. So they are vivid in my mind. Yesterday I was remembering, spiritually, my sense of awe in myself, doing this journey, as I travelled the road through the river valley that lead up to the higher elevations heading west to Bella Coola.
I was feeling distressed and anxious returning to a place where I did not feel I was doing well and was so depressed. This was 12 months of personal hell for me, with the final straw being the night I went out to the garage to see if it was air tight enough to hold the fumes long enough. I am sure you can get the drift. That was the changing moment when I knew I needed to return home upright before they brought me home in an urn.
It wasn't the people or the place or the posting that almost killed me it was my own personal demons, my own fear and depression, my lack of confidence in my own abilities and the grief I had bottled up after five+ years of study and putting my own spirit aside striving to reach my perception of other's expectations. I was spent and I was worn out and I was exhausted of any semblance of self-care abilities.
That said, I came back! I suffered the humiliation of "quitting" as many accused me. I endured the wrath of the people I hurt by not completing the two years as planned. I suffered and cried as people yelled at me that I had let them down and I stood in shame as people I respected stood up, disdainfully stared me down as they stormed from the room. I returned to my own soul and my own spirit despite what I the outside repercussions were, I partnered with the divine source and healed myself and I am here today to tell the story, witness life on the heavenly side after depression and breakdown.
I am here to help others as they are walking the road of darkness. I am here, that is the blessing in all of this, I came pretty close to not being here anymore. Life can be better and you can make it. I know it is a hard journey back and with the right tools and teacher you can build your life again.

#breakingstibah You can do it.

My mantra these days:
I have come a long way...
I have made impressive strides ...
I will continue to raise the bar as I meet my own expectations and I love doing so ...
I celebrate each and every success along the way ...
I love myself and know I am enough ...