Vulnerability ...

I was chatting with a FB bestie today, someone I have never met and yet seems to be the best friend I have in the world at times, and he was asking me about my latest move. He has walked with me for about five years now. When someone asks I actually have to really think and assess it.

I have done some deep wound and soul work. I have scars that are visible, but most are not. I have looked deeply within myself and as I do research and listen to other wise people who seem to be questing I hear things that touch me to the very soul. I have studied the work of Dr. Wayne Dyer, Louise Hay, Jesus, Deepak Chopra to name a few. I have dug into a theological program and become so spiritually in tune that those around me cannot understand me.

Brene Brown has recently surfaced on my radar and I have now watched her two TED talks. I have come back to this theme so much in the past 10 years. Shame. What is shame? Brene says, "shame is an epidemic in our culture..." Do you know what your shame is? Can you even go there? Shame is the key to risk taking and allowing vulnerability.

It requires deep, deep desire to dive into the water. When I was chatting with my friend today and he suggested I need a good "therapist". Finding a person who can help me requires them to have gone further than I have and I have witnessed and found through research that most people do not go there, and those who provide the service often have not witnessed it themselves. So this is what I said to him:

"...it is like the ocean... most sit in a boat on the top wishing they could jump in... some do and snorkel never going deep enough to leaving the O2 behind ... some strap on a tank and go down a little and others might go into the depths... however, I FEEL so deep that I can't come back... I need to have someone who has been deeper than I am and has never come back... I need to be present with the divine mystery and those who are vulnerable enough to admit it. That is why I am good at what I do and can be with people as they crawl out of the boat and decide to take the plunge. I am good at what I do because I am below them knowing I have come through the deep and survived to this point to share my wisdom. I am good at what I do because I have the empathy and openness to hear the pain and not shudder, listen and not judge, weep along side and share my own story.

Brene also says, "vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change". Unless you are willing to be vulnerable, recognize shame in your life, it is very difficult to witness creativity and change in your life. What feels like a breakdown turned around is spiritual awareness and without change spiritual change cannot occur.

I can help!

Yesterday as I was traveling in the country I found these four legged friends... I wanted a photo ... as soon as I stopped and got out they all came running toward me. Open, vulnerable and curious. Can you be like these four legged friends?

Live life openly and with vulnerability ....


Wailing when necessary!

This quote found me today and I am inspired to call out and wail.

"I have an African friend who is a Powerful Wild Woman in her own right. She once told me and mother and sisters that in our American culture, we don't wail when we are grief stricken. In her culture women especially will wail and weep and let it cleanse them. They will go outside their huts and just howl. Getting over ourselves is required to find ourselves. Our grief, our pain, our self-loathing that makes us want to lash out and judge others, is a result of not enough howling; in our grief when we realized as children, this world although so miraculous, is ravaged, people are ravaged, our Wild Souls are smothered and gagged.....but we never wailed. We never howled, and wept, with arms imploring the Heavens and the Earth. We were taught to fear grief and pain and longing. But our tears, our pain our anger are incredible tools and catalysts for ourAwakening, our Growth. Stay Wild, Be Wild My Wild sister."

Anshin Beatrice Kelly

Our daily grief, that we bury and put away so not to show our vulnerability, is the means to become whole.  Recently I began again with nothing but my precious things in bins.  I have been prompted to revisit the devastation that has been served to me through the hands of decision makers and those who think they are in charge.

In the 1970's musical, during the whipping Pilot says to says to Jesus, "Why do you not speak, When I have your life in my hands?" and Jesus responds, through the lyrics by Andrew Lloyd Webber and Tim Rice, "You have nothing in Your hands, Any power You have Comes to You from far beyond, Everything is fixed and You can't change it."

Not that I believe in fate as a card played when giving up and blaming life's grief on a power beyond like a great chess master, I do believe when I surrender and allow myself to feel every pain and atrocity that is imposed upon me by culture and environment it is there in the depths of the darkness my true soul reveals itself!

As I quest I see more and more the plan and flow of the energy that keeps the earth on its course and the sun rising in the east every day.  I see how things come together perfectly when the hand of human desire steps out of the way.  I see how things join up and cling together with magnificence to breathe life back into a wounded soul.

My studio is coming together.  I am honestly not sure what I am to do here I simply know I must create it and present it so the work can be done.  As this is happening I am remembering and touching the past pains and I am wailing silently, maybe it is time to wail out loud and exhaust this empty feeling and pain in my core.

Share my words, please, share and hopefully I can help someone else see their own darkness and come to fruition blooming and blossoming like a rose or a thistle.