Pictures in my mind...

The morning after... a full lunar eclipse .. the morning after.  Today on my FB feed there are a plethora of pictures of the moon in its full beauty and glory ... I almost feel imposed upon because I watched it with my naked eye with a lovely glass of white wine, crisp and sweet, in my hand.  I leaned on my car and experienced the marvel.  I watched no distractions, no concerns about the perfect photo, just the presence of a marvel ~ and I watched.  I took pictures with my mind and now whenever I want I can conjure up that moon, on that night, and along with that the peace of just standing, leaning on my car being in the presence of awe.

As a spiritual being living in this physical presence I wonder will I take these memories with me when this body is dead and cremated?  Will this spirit I am move beyond this reality and take with it the wisdom I have gleaned?

I hung, (hanged?) a glass prism pendulum in the west window this morning ... I wait now until the sun will catch it and glorify my kitchen.  Again I will sit and watch and experience when that happens.  I await in anticipation!

I hope you have a wonderful day, taking the time not to take photos but to file away, just for you, special memories that only you can hold.  Blessings and love to you as you optimally age.

May the eyes of wisdom find you as the fall leaves being to meet the ground in a loving embrace...

Fresh Five Friends

I have been working hard with spirit care and aging adult care.  I also have recently achieved personal trainer status and group fitness instructor.  These two designations are important for me to help those who are looking to start!  Start where?  Where ever you are.  I also will be engaging in a nutrition certificate in September to further learn about healthy eating.

I am looking for five friends to engage in a program with me so I can start where I am!  I am unsure of what to charge, what my skills and gifts are, how good of an instructor I will be and so on.  So maybe you can help me help you!

Contact me for more information!

Change for the better ...

August 13, 2015  and I am realizing time is clicking along.  I will celebrate another birthday soon and I remember my 48th birthday I had just started university in May of that year.  I was beginning the journey of discernment and academic study in order to become clergy in the Christian church.  Now eight years later I am finally wiser and have learned to let some things go and hover a little higher above my life.  I have been listening to Chropra Radio and the topic one day was clairvoyance.  That is where I am reminded it is not about having psyche insight into the future but simply letting go of micromanagement.

I love that feeling.  Letting go of that which does not serve me.

I am proud of the work I have done in 56 years, but moreso in the past eight.  I have accomplished wonderful things and have learned to love myself “just as I am” and THAT is tremendous work for anyone.  That is why I am proud of myself, because I choose to get life and live in the moment.  Listening to that which is the wisest part of me has become second nature.  Trusting in my own judgement and my own thoughts.

Today I hold a BA Hons., Religious Study, Certificate in Gerontology, Masters of Divinity, Fitness Instructor Specialist, Professional Personal Trainer, CPR, First Aid, Hospice Care training, and optimal aging passion.  I have 56 years of life’s experience and now eight years of academics to support that life’s experience.  I think of myself like the Scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz.  As the Wizard is leaving he awards the three with what they most desired.  He reminded the Scarecrow  that he had a brain all along and that all he lacked was a diploma.  The awarding of the diploma was the key that was missing for the Scarecrow.  I now believe in myself because of the diplomas.  I believe in myself because of all the life that happened while I was achieving working the programs!

The beauty of it all is I better understand challenges in life because I choose to take risks and look deeply at living life.  Whether your challenges are with body weight, food, exercise, spiritual understanding, grief or day to day personal boundaries maybe I can help.  I seek to rebuild spiritual community that is based on a faith in that which is the purest divine power and is a place where personal relationships grow in person and in community.

I live in Bradford Ontario Canada and want to build community through the local library, local coffee shop, on the telephone (maybe by text) and over a meal.  Come join me … there is no exchange of money just passions and love.   It used to be called church but dogma and doctrines and a false belief got in the way.  So let’s start again please, can we start again please, and come build community with me!

I can help, call or message me anytime.  Visit my website LesMar.ca and help me build community one friendship connection at a time.

Important lessons

I have been running through the alphabet on my FaceBook page.  Today "P" is for price.  Can we put a price on human life?  I think in our culture and society this is so when excluding from health care eg eye exams, some blood work, dentistry, chiropractic and naturopath while including others eg pap smear, physical exams, cancer treatments.  How do we measure what should have a monetary value and what should not?  I preamble with this because my topic today could be seen as controversial. 

Most recently in the last 6 months I have walked the path with a person who has been charged with a DUI.  Driving under the influence.  A sin to say the least and something that continues to be driven home (pun intended) over and over again.  Valuing  human life is on the top of the list as to why people should not drink and drive.  That being said I have been guilty of this crime in the past and am ashamed to admit it.  However, if you are honest I believe there are few who will read this blog that could not admit the same.   {Hang head now and be thankful you did not get caught}

I feel a pull to list out the journey of the person who is charged with a DUI.  Maybe in our materialistic, money driven society someone will say “Holy Smokes!” or “Wow” and NEVER get behind the wheel again after having even one drink.

On the given day outdoor fun was had by all.  Playing around with a group of close friends trail riding, camp fire, joke telling and laughter.  A few beers enjoyed in the warm sunshine.  After a long day of exhausted play a trip for a solid meal was on the young man’s mind before the final campfire of the night.  With the physical exertion and the snacks the driver felt in full control and care of the vehicle and, with a friend, jumped in the vehicle to go to the local MacDonald’s .  In the drive thru they were joking with the young person on the speaker ... continuing the fun of the day.  Got their food and headed back to the back yard camp site. 

Upon pulling out of the MacDonald’s parking lot there was an OPP car sitting in a spot close by.  As the young men pulled out on to the highway the cruiser followed.  The young men were pulled over.  The driver was asked to step out of the vehicle and was questioned.  The smell of beer on his breath alerted the officer and there was an open case of beer behind the driver’s seat as the truck had been used as the central hub for all the riders during the day.  It was grand central station for the trash and empties.  A detail that should not have been overlooked when leaving the campsite.  The roadside breathalyser showed red and the driver was taken in for booking.  As the officer was talking with the driver he commented, “you do not seem impaired.” The driver concurred he wasn’t, he was in total control and of sound mind.   The officer then told the driver the MacDonald’s drive thru staff had called them and alerted them as drinking in the drive thru (which they were not but bottles were seen)  hence why the OPP were waiting for them to exit.   The truck was impounded, the passenger left on the side of the road, the driver arrested and taken for official testing and charges pending.  This scene could be played out by many people who feel they can drive after drinking.  We all hold our alcohol differently.  

This is where I want you to read closely and pay attention.

Add this up:

One night in jail – Personal cost of humiliation, finger printing, criminal record.

Fine for open alcohol -  $225

Cost to find ride home from police station the morning after – personal cost of humiliation asking for a ride.

Getting a ride to find your vehicle at whatever impound it was taken to and getting personal items left in it the night before.

Seeking and finding a ride to work for the foreseeable future or locating transit schedule.  Getting groceries so you can eat.  Making arrangements to pick up children for visitation if you are sharing custody or getting kids to school and back if you are custodial parent. 

Seven day impound (mandatory for over 0.08) $780      Picking up vehicle takes three people and one car.  You have to be driven there with another person to drive your vehicle home and park it for you to look at until you can drive again.

Minimum lawyer’s fee - $1500 (if you are lucky, plus HST)

First court appearance – Cost of ride there unless you send your lawyer on their own, getting disclosure and scheduling the second court appearance.

Second court appearance – cost of ride there unless you send your lawyer alone. 

Third, Fourth or Fifth court appearance – in this case the disclosure was delayed, so until the court had it they would not entertain a plea.  There were four court appearances before a guilty plea could be entered. 

Officially charged with over 0.08 but not impaired - $1,000 fine.

Some tidbits of information:

Did you know you can be charged with impaired driving and/or driving over 0.08?  If charged with both that is very serious.  You can be charged with impaired driving without having consumed alcohol because impairment is based on your demeanor and your ability to function in the presence of the officers.  In this case the officer stated “you do not seem impaired” so there was only the charge of over 0.08 which was determined at the station by an official breathalyser.  This person’s blood content was 0.11 slightly over the legal limit.  Still “over” none the less, and guilty as charged.

There are different options now for first time offenders.  If you qualify you can have your license returned to you after 90 days.  Keep in mind when you receive a roadside suspension of 90 days you serve this until you are officially charged.  Then the 90 day criminal charge starts.  So in this case, because the disclosure was delayed the driver was without license for 60 days of the 90 day roadside suspension before being officially charged and is now serving the 90 day official suspension.  By the time he is driving again it will be 5 months with no license. 

After the 90 day official suspension is served then there will be the install of an ignition interlock system which is $125 per month rental (nine months = $1116 + HST).  Each time you get into your vehicle you must plan and allow time to warm up and blow into the system before your vehicle will start.

You also must enroll in the “Back on Track” program at a cost of $568 which must be in place before you can get your interlock system put in your vehicle. 

The insurance company notified they were dropping the driver as of the anniversary date of the policy.  The search was then on for a new provider.  $4000+ later new insurance is in place.

So on September 19 the driver will be driving again ... with interlock and paying $4000 a year in insurance.  Will have paid $780 impound fees, $225 fine, $1000 fine, $1500 lawyer, $1116 interlock, $568 back on track program, countless trips for cab/hired driver to get to and from work, and a criminal record.

I believe one should never drink and drive because we value human life but I wonder if an honest account of a first time clean record offender and their journey might make a person stop and think.   If I can help one person to never have this experience the time and effort I put into this post will be worth it. 

Peter Pan ... "I don't wanna grow up...

I'll  never grow up ... not me!   Peter Pan... Never Grow up...

I have been actively using FB and other social media to promote and work on some passions.  Upon settling in Bradford a year ago now it has been fun to find out what I want to do when I grow up.

Who am I?  Many of my friends and family call me a bit of a gypsy and that is true.  Now it is time to put down roots close to my children and grandson.  That being said I am still a child at heart and feel like I am a naughty teenager.  I think that has something to do with my Leo horoscope status.  A Leo is mid-point between Aries and Pisces being a soulful teenager wanting to explore.

Some qualities of a Leo are:

Leo Strength Keywords:
- Confident
- Ambitious
- Generous
- Loyal
- Encouraging

Leo Weakness Keywords:

- Pretentious
- Domineering
- Melodramatic
- Stubborn and Vain
Leo is very independent but they need something to control and someone to admire them and appreciate them. They are fully capable of being greatly successful on their own but they are much happier if they have an audience and a following of people who look up to them. They would prefer not be alone.

As I read I know they are all true of me because I have spent time inside my own skin, learning about me and what makes me tick.  Have you?

So further than being a Leo "who am I?" Or better yet "who do I think I am?"  I think empathetically and feel compassion.  I taste life with vigor and smell a rat when things are not right.  I can hear the voices clearly in my own psyche when the unconscious mind is screaming for attention and my consciousness or awareness is avoiding hearing the screams.  I love deeply, passionately fight, soulfully feel and hungrily explore.  When I sleep, I sleep.  Soundly and with a deep and profound understanding that it is THEE most important time of my day.




I am accumulating life's experience. I was born in 1959 on the cusp of the 60's.  I remember the Beatles' on Ed Sullivan and wore bell bottomed pants the first time they came 'round.  I know life with only three television channels and my family never had a microwave until after I moved out, long after.  I secretly got birth control when I was 14 from a progressive doctor in the local community never realizing it only became legal for a woman to take it, about 10 years before.  I have suffered with teenage depression and stress, alcoholism, drug addiction and sexual promiscuity  I have prayed to a god that may or may not have helped me, I don't know, and I have damned that same god.  I have raised two children as a single mother only to, most recently, spend time with their father, and look back on the years that have past.  I regret the pain I caused him many years ago.  So what did I do?  I apologized.  It is never too late to admit one's errors and pain.  I have buried two siblings and my parents.  I lived through my son's near death dirt bike crash in 2009, a week before my mother died, and his subsequent addictions and him fighting his way back to health.   I am elated by my daughter's climb to be an amazing musician and an even music teacher/conductor.  I have studied intently what it means to be self-aware, theological, spiritual, and faced down demons while joyously being thankful for the angels in my life.  I have grown to believe that wisdom comes with age but cannot be imposed on others.  Like a butterfly landing on a flower .... I am the flower full of the earth's strength, blowing in the wind, inviting the bees and the butterflies to come and visit but only when they choose to can I engage.

I believe in myself and want to share all that I have learned with others ... I have finally overcome the final chapter of what I needed to do in order to feel confident and have come full circle to help others. I believe in myself and I believe in you.  You can do it too.  You can find the divine mystery that lives within you and tap into the power it holds.  You can tether yourself to the creative seeds of strength that reside in you as a created being on this ball in the universe and weather any storm.  You can find the strength you need to fend off stress, beat any fear, and grow roots from your feet into Mother Earth.

Come on a spiritual journey with me.  Let me guide you and care about you.  Let me listen to you and help you find your way.  Spiritual renewal is tangible and is abundant when you know where to find it and look for it.  Come with me ... walk into the darkness and be amazed at what grows.  Plant your own seeds for your future.  Love yourself ....

Spirit Care 101 - Bradford, West Gwillimbury - Women's Spirituality Group ... message me for more details.  Do you want to start a Spirit Care 101 in your neighbourhood?  Let me help!  The new community of faith coming soon.... the community begins with you!

As a side or closing note, I want to share with you that for the past 10 years I have been working within Christian ministry.  That being said "church" as we know it is falling off the cultural radar and, rightfully so, diminishing in popularity.  I think this is a good thing.  It is a good thing because doctrines and past faith statements about a "god" in the sky dictating or judging is not where I find strength.  I find strength in a spiritual understanding which is linked to something beyond human understanding.  It has nothing to do with heaven/hell, or what happens after death, or whether prayers are answered.  This divine calling is reachable by all human beings who wish to touch the source of life and define it for themselves.

Remember "We are not human beings having a spiritual experience, We are Spiritual Beings having a human experience."  Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

What does your spirit say to you?  Come on your own spiritual journey with me.  

Planting seeds ...

I remember in the fall of 2009 when I went into seminary I was rattled and challenged emotionally.  I had so much happen that summer and was reeling from the events.  As I studied I tried to push it all away and just focus on doing ... not healing or growing, just do, do, do.

Through pastoral study of self I set my heart on being a "gardener" for the seeds of divine mystery. Like the earth the mind only grows and cultivates the seeds that are planted I could see the need for a good gardener.  The challenge I faced was the seeds of doubt, fear, turmoil and anger that were planted in myself.

The seeds lay dormant under the seasonal fall and waited for the perfect time to sprout and grow. This spring was the time.  The spring of 2015 the seeds of my heart began to grow and I welcomed the hard work of tending, digging and transplanting historical stuff and placing it all in a garden that I could manage and tend.

Some of the plants that I grew were not as desirable as others.  In their own right they are beautiful but for my garden I realized I needed to cull them out and let them go.  Compost them so they can become soil again.  I worked hard, down on my knees, digging in my own garden of life.   The amazing thing is I added manure to make the soil better.  Funny how the feces of other species makes the soil of my garden better and more full.

Desired foliage is now appearing and I am happy with my garden.  This has been a hard road but one that I would not trade for anything.  Deepak Chopra says, "my life unfolds in divine order" and when we live with this philosophy it is amazing how our garden grows.  All manure that is tossed into our garden is fodder for tending, any challenging weeds that seem to continue to flourish are nothing more than a reminder to continue picking, and when the blossoming begins it is magnificent and nothing is more satisfying.

I can help, I can share my story to help others.  I can guide and walk with you on your journey and I can provide compassion, empathy and love.

Back to Basics...

I PVR many movies and then they just sit on my PVR unwatched.  But today I decided to watch "Eat Pray Love" the story of a woman who realizes she no longer has an appetite for life or love.  She is empty inside, spent and lost.  What does one do when one realizes that and does not have the financial means to live in Italy to learn Italian and eat their way through their emotions, live in an ashram in India or move to Bali and ride a bike?

 
FIRE in the Belly..... when it goes out does eating hot peppers ignite it again or simply create a need for Pepto Bizmo?  Jalapenos?  Naw ... good food for thought, good friends, good relationships, good experiences.  All feed this fire and when those are missing the fire goes out.

"Gawd" for  me is fire in the belly and right now this fire is out because I cannot find Gawd in my heart, my belly or my soul.  So I am going to go searching... for bigger jeans Gawd in the flesh, food and presence of this human life.  As I grow fat on all the research I can do I will plump out on passion.  I will find it because I am going looking for it and not inside the walls of a church sanctuary with other homogeneous people hoping that somewhere in this space is the wholeness of life. Somewhere in the bad coffee and processed cookies is food for the soul as people talk superficially about the fundraising dinner that is necessary in order to keep the lights on.

I want to fling open the doors in order to invite people in to tell me what it is they are looking for. Tell me how I can offer a program that will make them laugh, feel a part of, and have fire ignited in them to come out and participate.  I want to open an oasis for all, a colourful rainbow of wonder with all people that want to engage with me.

Come and colour your world with me.  Let's meditate together, laugh together and find that fire in our belly and then we can call it whatever we want!!