Back to Basics...

I PVR many movies and then they just sit on my PVR unwatched.  But today I decided to watch "Eat Pray Love" the story of a woman who realizes she no longer has an appetite for life or love.  She is empty inside, spent and lost.  What does one do when one realizes that and does not have the financial means to live in Italy to learn Italian and eat their way through their emotions, live in an ashram in India or move to Bali and ride a bike?

 
FIRE in the Belly..... when it goes out does eating hot peppers ignite it again or simply create a need for Pepto Bizmo?  Jalapenos?  Naw ... good food for thought, good friends, good relationships, good experiences.  All feed this fire and when those are missing the fire goes out.

"Gawd" for  me is fire in the belly and right now this fire is out because I cannot find Gawd in my heart, my belly or my soul.  So I am going to go searching... for bigger jeans Gawd in the flesh, food and presence of this human life.  As I grow fat on all the research I can do I will plump out on passion.  I will find it because I am going looking for it and not inside the walls of a church sanctuary with other homogeneous people hoping that somewhere in this space is the wholeness of life. Somewhere in the bad coffee and processed cookies is food for the soul as people talk superficially about the fundraising dinner that is necessary in order to keep the lights on.

I want to fling open the doors in order to invite people in to tell me what it is they are looking for. Tell me how I can offer a program that will make them laugh, feel a part of, and have fire ignited in them to come out and participate.  I want to open an oasis for all, a colourful rainbow of wonder with all people that want to engage with me.

Come and colour your world with me.  Let's meditate together, laugh together and find that fire in our belly and then we can call it whatever we want!!

Heavy Sigh .... what next?

Do you ever just sit back in a chair and look out the window and wonder "what next?"  I do.  More often than I like actually.  I find this road to be a difficult one and as I age it gets more difficult to put one foot in front of the other.  Today the cooler temps remind me that winter is not yet gone but the brilliant sunshine also reminds me that spring is on her way.  So I am caught in the middle of the two seasons with remnants of darkness and cold weather but with a promise of new life, growth and fertility in essence around me.

I visited friends this week and she is an avid quilter.  She told me the story of how during the detailed work, which has now culminated in hours and days, had met with a little moment of diversion but it had not changed the results.  A beautiful piece of art.  As I was looking at the quilt she asked me if I could see the 3D effect.  Upon laying out the quilt in the living room to get a full view of it I could see it.  But as I looked at it on the table in a pile I could not see it.

You can see here by the pictures the details of this work.  I was reminded how each stitch makes up the whole.  I am reminded that as I sit and look out the window and wonder what next I must remember that each stitch of my life will make up the whole.  And although I might have something spilled on me and need cleansing now and again, it cannot stop the stitches of my whole.  I must keep going, keep stitching and when the time is right my own quilt of life will be complete and as anyone lays it out to look at it they will see the depth and dimension of each stitch. 

So as life unfolds before you and you wonder "what next?"  remember to keep stitching it together so when the time is right your whole will be assessed as beautiful and complete, likely with a  missed stitch or two creating what A Song of Faith reminds us:

"Creating and seeking relationship,

   in awe and trust,

we witness to Holy Mystery who is Wholly Love."

Like prayer, do blog posts simple fall on deaf ears... LOL

I was looking at the stats for my blog and they sure are not stellar but really that is okay.  I do not write for the stats I write when I feel prompted to record my thoughts.  I have a journal and books that are filled with thoughts and words, ideas and brainstorming, hopes and dreams.  Some day my children or grandchildren may learn much about this old girl and how she ticked.

As I study Puchalski and find ways of integrating health and healing with spiritual things she asks in her book "A time for listening and caring", how do people present their spirituality in the context of health and wholeness?  Spiritual coping is much different than religious ritual or belief.  James Ellor (1997) defines spiritual well-being as "being healthy in the very core of the person" with no mention of religion or practice thereof.  If spirituality is a dimension in all relationships and all people and reflects a yearning for a larger connection or deeper meaning is it not just a natural part of our being?  I don't know actually.  That is what I quest to find out.

John A. Sanford, in his book Healing and Wholeness  from 1977 says on page 6, "wholeness implies something organic, that is, many separate parts working together in a unified way."  Ah, the beauty of that statement is beyond comprehension without some very deep pondering.

As I spend time today, Saturday, with my grandson letting him simply do nothing but watch some tv, cut up paper, eat brownies, lick up ice cream, tear apart a sandwich, and use my belt as an imaginary rope like Mike the Knight ... I find myself living in his spirituality.  It is simply the spirituality of the moment.  Not concerning himself with one minute before or after the moment he is experiencing.  When does that get knocked out of us?  When do we lose the ability to simply be?

"Wholeness is something organic..." right now my grandson is perfectly whole, wrapped in the secure place of a warm, safety, tummy-filled  existence with no concerns for yesterday or tomorrow.  That is where I yearn to be ... back in that place of unconcern, not because I am irresponsible but because I am happy where I am knowing the past is just that, the past, and should I be brave enough the future will unfold as it should without too much influence from my human thought.

I remember sometime in my past listening to Garth Brooks as he sings "Mr. Midnight" and the story about the NY dj who feared no one was listening and in asking his audience to all flush their toilet at the same moment backed up the NY sewer system, or the boy who called "wolf" for the umpteenth time, it is here and now I wonder if my words bring anyone to question, heal or seek to find wholeness. 

Maybe, maybe not ... but they help me as I write simply because the more words I share the more room there is in my own heart and soul for the re-filling of my cup. Spirituality is relevant in each person's life.  It is whether they choose to explore this part of themselves that may go unheeded. 

Namaste

Spirit Care 101

As I google "spirit care 101" this blog comes up first.  This tells  me there is not much google payment for the words "spirit care 101" what does that say overall? hmmmm

Yesterday I spent the afternoon back in the academic halls of Emmanuel College.  I love that school. It is seminary for the United Church of Canada and where I took the masters degree that I now hold. I was there because I am feeling a desire to further my studies since finding the work of Dr. Christina Puchalski . I have been engaged with the personal support worker program since January 2015 only to be one of the unfortunate people cast out on the sidewalk with the closing of Everest College and now wait to see what is next for me with this program.  While I wait I work as a casual employee of a nursing company going in and doing light housekeeping for infirm and shut-in adults.  I am learning so much about our Canadian system of caring for people.

Most recently there was an article in the UC Observer focusing on Spiritual but Secular talking about the need of people to find meaning in their lives.  This article partners, for me, with the need to bridge gaps in our human development. I am seeking desire and find little burning desire in my gut these days because, at times, I feel defeated as to where I should be in life. Traditionally, at my age many are thinking of retiring or at least looking to cash in their investments and traveling.  But in this new environment of more people reaching 100 and 50 becoming the new 40 I find myself hungry to further discover what work needs to be done. It is when I focus on this study, grief, loss, finding meaning that the inferno in my belly fires up once again.

As I work more and more with the grief groups I find people trying to find meaning in their life. Grief does not simply follow the death of a loved one, it follows everyday life and challenges with daily living. Aging adults, children going to school, teens seeking post-secondary education, young adults looking for work, empty-nesters and any walking/talking human being faces grief and loss in life. What is "normal" anymore and how can a person find meaning in life?

Finding meaning is not a destination it is a journey.  Meaning is experienced and developed over time.  Dr. Puchalski's book A Time for Listening and Caring she points out right in the forward how "real care doesn't begin with costly procedures but with simple gifts of affection.  As living beings, we all wish for happiness and seek to avoid suffering."  By looking at this statement the work I do begins with the activities of daily living, simply trying to put one foot in front of the other.

Working with the oldest-olds I hear such wonderful stories.  Most recently I was providing respite care in home.  I was working around the kitchen and she asked me to water the shamrock! I was commenting how it is a beautiful plant and she told me it belonged to her grandmother! Further she told me her grandmother died at 103 in 1974!  I said to her, "if this plant could tell its story".  She further went on to tell me about a table that is in the house that was the local tavern table where the men would gather to play cards or checkers and have a pint and again I think about the tales it could tell.

The butterfly on the wire speaks to me about the way life cycles.  This beautiful plant adorned with a butterfly is witness that life never ends, but simply continues to ebb and flow.  Through life and death the spirit of all things moves in and out of the energy fields around us.  Finding meaning is finding a way to interact with this energy and faithfully wonder if all those we have loved in our past and future are very real in the spirit world.  Is that the new normal? Is that spiritual in a secular environment?  I don't know.  I know what I believe and how I get through my own days and it gives me hope and meaning to feel my mom and my dad and my brother and others who have died and are no longer present in this human existence.  I like to believe that there is a world of spiritual existence beyond what my consciousness can comprehend and a place where I will better connect when I shed the human vessel.  I have faith in the spirit and live in the secular.  A place of limbo wondering what is next.  Will the shamrock continue to bloom? Can I help others find their own spiritual home?  Is the path to meaning paved with human partnerships as I find simple affection?  Wholeness is holy and is more significant when realizing it is not the cure of physical illness but the understanding of the human spirit.

In the deep freeze of your winter emotions....

Spirit Care 101 is my brain child and upon searching it out online there appears to be few others who are using the phrase.  To care for your own spirit is uplifting and will nurture the most important relationship in your life.

I have said before and continue to quote Pierre Teilhard de Chardin who was a French philosopher and Jesuit priest who trained as a paleontologist and geologist who said, "We are not human beings having (trying to understand) a spiritual experience, we are spiritual beings having a human experience."  So by honouring your spirit you honour that which is most sacred, caring for yourself. Being in relationship with yourself is important.  Understanding yourself is key to living a well balanced and caring life.

As you walk the path of your own life and travel through the deep freeze of your own emotions you will ebb and flow in your spiritual awareness.  We are seasonal beings here in Canada traveling through cold temperatures and changing times.  We travel with Mother Nature as she protects that which is her own.  Withdrawing into the darkness of winter the very sap of each plant to envelope it in the warmth of the earth.  Trees look dead but we know they are sleeping, resting and refreshing themselves to burst forth in the spring.  We as human kind trust in this phenomena, this evolution of our home and our planet.  We never doubt that spring will come the question often simply is "when?"

So why when we are emotionally in the dark, in the winter of our lives do we lose hope that spring will come?  This is a time when we are most vulnerable to spiritual growth and a time of change in the very fabric of our being.

In a dark time, the eye begins to see - Theodore Roethke

Barbara Brown Taylor in her book "Learning to walk in the dark" talks about how the dark is a frightening place where few dare to enter.  However, she notes on page 112 how going into the darkness of a cave physically taught her that the darkness of her own mind can be physically over come when one takes the body someplace dark.  As she enters the "wild" cave she says, "The idea scared me, which made it a good opportunity to practice courage."  It takes courage to go into the darkness of our grief, loss and pain.  It takes courage to be vulnerable and let others see we are in pain.  It takes courage to admit to self you are scared.  However, realize when the ego bonds with the fear of the spirit and the brokenness in life spiritual growth is paramount.

Only she [he] who is ready to question, to think for self, will find the truth.  To understand the currents of the river, one who wished to know the truth must enter the river! - Nisargadatta, Indian mystic, born 1897

Come journey with me ..... take the first step, dip your toe in the water ... and take the plunge!

en*theos

en + theos. Two little Greek words. Put ‘em together and you’ve got enthusiasm—or "God within"—the secret sauce to authentic awesomeness.

Can we find the divine within ourselves?  Can we look inward and not outward for that which we may call "god"?  When we do not like ourselves very  much how can we look within for the very depth of spirit that we seek to save us?  I don't know.

Family day weekend a time when family is promoted and family is the focus.  Did you spend time with your family or are you one of the  many that struggle with this concept?  I saw both  my children and love them both deeply.  They are both adults now with their own lives and good news.  Family day has brought for my family a wonderful announcement and hope for the future.  For me though I struggle trying to find something, anything that feels  hopeful in my own life.  I grieve something and have a great sense of loss but cannot seem to put my finger on it.  Do you ever feel that way?  A darkness that is so imposing and yet like the proverbial monster in the closet or under the bed the sensation is palatable but the monster is not tangible.  One cannot put a finger to it, other than to know it is there haunting you every single day.

The grief workshops I manage and run teach me I am not alone.  They teach me how to look into the eyes of another and see their pain, fear and struggle.  Together in a group setting we share our most darkest moments and honour that which is scaring us.  The fear of being alone and finding no one really cares.  The recent announcement of a colony on Mars, a one way ticket for colonization on a planet that is so far away you can be assured you will not return to earth.  You sacrifice your existence here on earth for this mission and yet the supreme court is the decision maker for those suffering and struggling with illness are requesting the same thing; a one way ticket out of here.

How do you deal with the desire for a one way ticket anywhere?  How do you find en*theos?  I don't know ... all I know is I am not alone in this quest and seek others to walk this lonely road with me.  Join me through a workshop, through email correspondence or a  message on Facebook.  You are not alone and neither am I ... Family Day shows me that physically but emotionally I still struggle.

I just do not give up ... that is my one way ticket ... a ticket on the "keep trying" locomotive. 

citing:  https://www.entheos.com/Fierce-Love/entheos 

Fierce Love: Healing Ourselves and the World

with Ian Lawton + 25 Experts

March 9-13, 2015

The world feels overwhelming right now. It needs an injection of fierce love. Let's gather a collection of fierce love warriors who are making a difference in the world and know how to inspire all of us to heal ourselves and heal the world.

The Hundred-Foot Journey ...

"Maybe brakes break for a reason" he says.  She says, "What do you mean?"

This morning I indulged in a PPV movie and lazed while I watched.  What an indulgence to take Saturday morning and watch a movie.  This movie is a delightful combination of culture and the intertwining of relationships and spirit.  The growing of love and care for another while feasting, and I mean literally, on the food we need to be the best we can be.

I have discovered I love to cook and have shared that with many of my friends and family. Most are likely sick of hearing it.  But that being said I have come to realize how we have strayed from the very essence of feeding ourselves.  Feeding our soul in all the ways possible; spiritually, physically, mentally and emotionally and our need for food is imperative to wholeness, furthering our connection to the holy. If we are healed and whole we are holy! What does it mean to feed our sacred and spiritual self?

I have come to understand one of the most important rules for my life is to be watchful every minute of every day.  Find the goodness in all life has to offer and reach out to touch it.  Taste it and add our own spices to make it our own.  I am unique in a way that no other creature, plant, animal or person is like me.  I am the creation of the universe which has evolved to this very millisecond as I put fingers to keys.  I am different than I was a minute ago and will change as I type this blog.  The spice I add to my own life is to stretch and reach for the mystery and welcome it into my soul.

I am passionate and hungry to keep peeling back the layers.  Life is such that when the brakes fail maybe there is a reason to be broken down in this place.  In this space. In this time.  Maybe brakes break for a reason because life is saying stop and see what you can build here.  See who you can meet. Take this time to spice up an otherwise boring journey of pavement and concrete.  Smell the spice of life.  It is understood there are four basic or recognized tastes:  sweet, sour, salty and bitter and we taste these with different parts of our tongue.  How about if we tasted life this way?  Opening doors to all kinds of experience and allowing the passion to flow.  Face the bitterness in your life, taste it and then let it go.  Savour the sweet, giggle at the sour and be the salt of the earth.  All possibilities for every soul.

This two hours this morning has enriched my life with a darling movie of which made me cry at the end.  The complex cultural explosion and the mellowing of people gives me hope as this romantic and yet poignant realization leaves me wondering what stones I have left un-turned and where I neglected to spice up my life.

"This is the beast with 1,000 mouths needing to be fed twice a day."  Can you meet that task?  Are you up to the responsibility for your own existence and happiness to change your taste and explore new food for life?  Are you ready to love unexpectedly and accept the previously thought unacceptable?  

"Maybe brakes break for a reason." Make every broken brake count! 

The Hundred-Foot Journey