apathy,,,, meloncholy

Thoughts to a friend:

As I struggle with this new faith journey and face what it is to be a Christian I think the biggest struggle I have is with apathy. This overwhelming sense of desire to say "who cares?", "who REALLY cares???" My sense and image of God sometimes lays in fragments on the floor around me waiting for me to put it back together.

However, that being said when I was away on my trip, the worship and spirituality professor made a comment that she couldn't duplicate. It was like a momentary thought that she tossed out and only I heard it. I asked her about it and she went back in her notes and could not recollect saying it or where it came from in her lecture.

She talked about the light of Jesus hitting a prism and being fragmented onto the wall in colourful display. That was it, one thought and one sentence. Since then I have been thinking about this and toying with it in my mind. I also have a great distinction now between the man Jesus, this man who we read about in the gospels and then the "Christ" that has fed the doctrines over the last 2000 years. So where is Jesus in this prism of light that is refracting all around me shattered into shards of light that I have to wade through? Who is the God that Jesus was calling us back to? What does this God look like? Being a Jewish man, Jesus was travelling the "way" which is the Jewish journey, he was calling us back to his roots, the root of all creation the YHWH ... the spirit of our central being.

That is the passion we seek. That is what Jesus died for, fighting the apathy of the material world and reminding us that we have to be passionate in order to feed our spirit and the spirit of the great one. Jesus was alive, angry and was missional. He is not the Christ we have created ...

He is the very essence of passion that burns within us to be shared in relationship with all of God's people. It is still in you! I know. Sit quiet and listen to the wee small voice within, nurture your pain and then release it to the passion you know burns in your heart.

May the God of hope be with you as you journey through this sea of indifference and defeat. Swim hard, and when you come up for air God will say, "there is my son with whom I am well pleased" and you will find your passion again ..... the emergent God is fighting for a place in our world.... the emergent God is in you, but is being stifled by history, apathy and melancholy ... let the emergent God sooth your soul and refresh your passion....

I need to answer my own question, "who cares?" I must care or the corruption and doctrines of this world will win!

... and rest clears the mind...

Thankfully it has cooled off!  My apartment is only 76 right now and it is 5AM.  Feels refreshing!  The dawn is about to break and I can hear the birds beginning to chirp.  The first light of the day is playing peek-a-boo on the horizon.  Kenny Chesney is softly singing from the old radio that my mom used to stand at the kitchen counter, looking out the kitchen window, and listen to the funeral announcements.  The wheat is ripening, farmers are resting and I am teasing a message from my heart for the eager Sunday morning ears.  Can it get any better than that?

Where is your staircase leading you?
The scripture I am working with today is Ezekiel 2:1-5 and Mark 6:1-13 where there is a common thread of human frailty within certain context. Ezekiel has been called by God to do the job that most are called to do. Care for others and watch over humanity. In biblical terms he is called a 'prophet' calling out to those who have rebelled and turned away from the God of Israel. God is telling Eze to go and take a stand. God reminds Eze that the people are "impudent and stubborn" (vs4). Funny the people of 6th century BCE sound much like us today. Then in Mark, Jesus has returned to his hometown and begins to teach. Those who are listening are a little leery. The bible says they were "astounded". I wonder if that is what Justin Beiber witnesses when he returns to Stratford? His mom likely still chastises him for leaving his cereal bowl on the counter.

Well Jesus comes into this context and attempts to share with them what he has learned and what he knows about God. Ezekiel begins his journey trying to help people understand that the God of Israel is for real. Both on a journey that feels like a mammoth task. Has anything changed today? As students of Jesus we look out into a world that is consumed with materialism, greed, poverty and a numbness that has taken over the young people.  Where is it leading us?  With worship and spirituality being contained into one hour on a Sunday morning for a very select few how do we stand on the soapbox and tell those who have been pawns in a consumerist world to wake up and realize their very soul is being raped by their behaviour?

We do it by being Christian.  We follow Jesus and continue to share the good news that God is alive and well in our heart and that should we become present to the spirit we will feel a renewed breath of life.  While I was away in Jogja, I realized and separated Jesus from Christ.  The man Jesus stood for much  more than the Christian faith gives him credit for.  Like Ezekiel before him Jesus was called to God to save the people from themselves and in the wake Roman execution Jesus somehow morphed into this superhero.  A superhero who was predestined and predetermined to the death he endured. 

So I ask you what does it mean for you to be a Christian?  Are you tied to doctrines and predestination or are you a Jesus follower and an Ezekiel that God can nudge, from the inside out, to "stand up on your feet and hear what God has to say to you" (vs1)?  God is real, but real in the sense that God is within the fibre of our being as the creator of all life and through the Spirit we are called to live and breath.  Life is about action and challenging others to step up when they see injustice and step out of the luxuries that numb us into a sense of security. 

Separate Jesus from Christ and come to the hometown of Nazareth, go out two by two and help to cleanse the world of social poisons, free yourself from the material overkill and feel the freedom that can be in your heart.  As the sun comes up over the horizon it will rise afresh as you see the world through a new lens.

The cycle continues.......

Many friends and family were quick to tell me, “don’t go out alone!” and I honour that concern but once you are here for a week or so and have been tossed into a new society you begin to see the presence of God all around you and begin to feel more comfortable and secure. I believe most of those loving concerns were targeted at my safety whenever a loved one goes into the unknown. Do we not say that to our children every day, “stick together honey, there is safety in numbers”.

 In a fear based society, such that we live in North America, we must witness true diligence. Should something unthinkable happen to someone we know we can take solace in the fact that we warned the person, or that we knew something like this could happen, or confirm our greatest fears go on all over the place when we tune into the evening news. But after our outing this morning and a “boxed” lunch I decided to walk to the store at the end of the lane. I say lane because the dorm faces out onto a very narrow lane. This lane is one car wide and barely wide enough for the buses we travel on to come and go. I went alone. The first day I was here I accompanied another student on a walk. This student had been here for 24 hrs or so and had already mastered the busy street at the end of the lane. It is consistently busy with bikes, cars and other vehicles and you must be aggressive to quickly cut across and they will slow for you but they do not stop. I wanted ice cream and I wanted to simply reclaim my independence. I am in a safe neighbourhood I am told, and it was the echo of my family and friends in my head that had kept me waiting for a companion.

However, as our visit opens up people are falling into community and like-mindedness and if one is to wait to always be accompanied one may spend a lot of time in one’s room. So off I went on my own. I walked past a construction site. I know it is a construction site because they are renovating something. Not sure what it is, but men are working and there is a cement mixer and hammering and scaffolding. It looks dissimilar to what I know as a construction site because men are in shorts, flip-flops and there is an absence of head protection. Like all men in the world then noticed a single white female walking and proceeded to cat-call. I ignored them like I do in Canada (although secretly it strokes my ego that at 52 I can still encourage cat-calls, but I soon chastise myself with a reminder they are quite far away!) and they carried on about their business. I went to the store and looked around. It was fun to guess what was in packages by pictures and surrounding items since it is all in another language. I got my ice cream after a person who seemed like a woman but looked more like a man came into the store burst into song and promptly left. I asked myself, Dorothy are you sure you aren’t in Kansas anymore because that person would have fit perfectly in Toronto! Speaking of this special person….

Today I visited a place where some fear to tread with or without friends. It was a house which is a school/harbour for the GLTB community. GLTB stands for gay, lesbian, transgendered, and bi-sexual and in North America I think we have added another letter to that acronym to represent the inter-sexed community. It is owned by a woman who has been severely marginalized because of her ambiguous means of living. She was born a man but felt like a woman all her life. How must that feel? I haven’t looked in the mirror very often since I arrived because there is no need. My hair is short so I wash, fluff and go out. I haven’t been wearing any cosmetics other than a little eye brow filler, (and for that I used a 3” diameter magnifying mirror) and I only do that because I am vain, but other than that there is little to see. My identity is in my head. I feel my breasts and my genitals and they match what society tells me I am: a woman. What must it feel like to identify all that makes you a woman but not have full breasts and sport a handsome penis? It makes me sad that we, and I mean society, cannot look beyond our own 3” magnifying mirror and our own vanity and see what some people live with every day. The seriousness of what makes us “who” we are and to understand we are all God’s children in every way. I wish we could look beyond our cultural constructions, society’s norms and stereotypical behaviours and love our neighbor as we want to be loved ourselves. The icing on this lovely cake is that this house is primarily serving the Islamic community. In your media fed understanding of Islam I am sure you wonder how these people are left to live freely and practice Islam. The Imam is liberated and welcoming and the government has given this school status so it is protected and honoured. As I was walking alone this afternoon I was not alone. I was in God’s creation with others who I have not been introduced to but others who are also children of God. They are simply strangers to me because we haven’t met yet but they are not strangers to the collective faith that we all carry of which is a knowledge that there is a force to which we are all a part of. I choose to call this force God.

Today I met many wonderful human beings who just want to live as God has made them. To have the freedom to love their spiritual identity and match it to their humanness whatever that means. I didn’t have to come to Indonesia to see this community it is in my own back yard. 61 Isaiah Street: A place of refuge for all … The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. Thanks be to God.

“Toto we are not in Kansas anymore!” Dorothy, Wizard of Oz

Although the house is not tending to twitch or pitch I am know I am out of familiar surroundings and yet there are times when I feel quite at home. I am also developing a habit that I am in bed about 9 or so and then up about 3:00AM. I don’t seem to need much more sleep than that. However, by about 6 PM in the evening I begin to feel weary with things needing to be done in the evening. Yesterday was our first day of class and it is going to be challenging to have 7 AM call for breakfast, 8 AM Worship, 8:30 on the bus, 9 – 12:00 Class, return travel by bus, which takes 3x as long as the morning commute and we think Toronto has traffic. Then 1 PM lunch, 3 PM class, 7 PM Dinner, 8 PM worship and then bed sounds like a good idea. In between that we have to find time to read and reflect on this exciting journey. You may have noticed there is about 2 hours (5 – 7 PM) where there is a little free time ~ siesta anyone? Like Dorothy, I am treading softly on the yellow brick road looking for my way. Last night at worship the theme that Marianne spoke about was how God is our light. She used the story of a lamplighter who cares a lamp as they go on their journey. The journey may be long or short but the lamp is lighting the way. This being said we are reminded that the lamp only lights a step or two at a time and although we can see the whole way along we are only given light for where we are at the time. It felt like God was whispering in my ear! I could hear how this was so true of my journey and how I need to concentrate on the steps I am taking today and tomorrow and let the past go while trusting the future will unfold before me just as it should. At 4:15 AM every morning there is the Muslim call to prayer. It is strange to me because I am not accustomed to being awakened at that time each night. Considering I am up anyway it gives me a chance to reflect on my own prayer time. Knowing that my Muslim brothers and sisters are praying to the same God we all trust and love I can join in my Christianity and pray along with them. I am reading a wonderful book by Timothy Gianotti, a professor of Islamic Studies who I met at Huron College. It is a wonderful introduction to better understand faith, religion and Islam. I hope to share it with a group when I get home sometime this fall. Blessings upon you all and keep me in your prayers as I will do the same.

Frustrations of technology

Well folks I have some bad news that my computer has crashed here in Indonesia so my posts will be few and far between because unlike our culture there is not an internet cafe on every corner and I would be hard pressed for time to even find one! Class homework and preparation is very demanding and there has been talk that it is over expectations. So we are all dealing with our heads in articles and books and trouble accessing internet to get resources. It is a great experience and it will all be worth it. I will post when I can but will say so long for now!

Yogja Day 1 Rested and Adjusted

Well after a long haul of three flights and a lovely bus ride I arrived into the university campus last night at about 7 pm local time. Funny how the day came to a close so quickly as the sun sets much faster here close to the equator. We in the north are blessed with lovely sunsets and diminishing light. A beauty we take for granted. Here it is like someone just turns off the lights.

The first thing I noticed was the odors as I came out of the airport. New smells overwhelmed me and I realized I needed to take a minute and acclimatize. Thanking God for a safe and uneventful journey I asked that my nose not be attached to my stomach for a bit. This seemed to give me the time to organize my head away from my nose and give my stomach a break. As we drove from the airport I was reminded of Cuba and the Dominican Republic where it seems there is chaos all around. I truly do not know how the drivers do not crash. Motorcycles are the vehicle of choice an as you skip across the road in front of a car you must watch there isn't a motorcycle coming up the outside edge. I almost got picked off, not to mention I was looking the wrong way as they drive on the right here. We had a preliminary meeting last night with those who have arrived but honestly I literally almost fell off my chair. I fell asleep just sitting there. You can see by the picture that I was already pretty tired and this was taken just before we loaded up for the third flight. I have a woman from India as my roommate. She is the one on the far left. She better understands the bathrooms that have the white hole in the ground where you place your feet on either side and squat. Thankfully for us North Americans there are some bathrooms with flush toilets as well. But I braved a pee into the hole in the ground and did not fall in nor did I pee on my underwear so I feel I can survive anything now. We had a light breakfast which consisted of an egg and bread. There was some watermelon brought out after and the locals smiled when there were chocolate sprinkles to put on their bread. Local custom I think. It was wonderful to share a meal and better understand all those who have come so far.

The UK woman has already mentioned she is going to have trouble with the heat, and so I will be thinking of her as I pray for everyone who is feeling out of their element to find a way to enjoy their time here and not yearn for home. I am blessed to be here I know. My good friend Fred Joblin visited me in my dream last night. He died last year and he was there with me reminding me that in the chaos of life is when God is changing and working with us. God is around us in everything we experience. It is not about being good for God it is about being in God, with God and loving like God created us to love. I am in heaven in my heart and I am blessed to be having this experience. God Bless and have a wonderful day!

Nourishment from the clouds

Pierre Teilhard de Chardin said: We are not human beings having a spiritual experience; we are spiritual beings having a human experience. Love alone is capable of uniting living beings in such a way as to complete and fulfill them, for it alone takes them and joins them by what is deepest in themselves. All we need is to imagine our ability to love developing until it embraces the totality of men and the earth.

As I listen to the rain gently falling outside and thoroughly enjoy a cup of tea it is with strength and faith that I feel the presence of God. Pierre Teilhard speaks about each of us being a spiritual being having a human experience on this earth. Our earthly bodies are the host to this spirit and is allowed to experience the sweetness of ice cream, the richness of chocolate, the passion of love and the struggle with social injustice. As this spirit comes from God we are infused with God in ways that most are unaware. Simply sitting in the presence of the rain gives peace and understanding that echoes loudly in our heart. Who is God? What is God? Where is God? Often in times of darkness we ask that last question over and over again. Why is it we never ask it when things are going well? I believe it is because we are arrogant enough to believe that we are in charge when things are good and then blame God when things are rough. The truth is God is with us always, through the good and the bad, and spiritual fulfillment is when we find God in all times and places. Jesus knew God very well and was steeped in the Holy Spirit. Jesus was a powerful presence of God, so powerful the biblical writers remembered him years after his death and were complelled to write about this presence. The Apostle Paul experienced Jesus in ways most of us can only hope to experience and he spread the good news throughout the early church. The Bible is our source of understanding God and knowing the presence of God in our lives based on the eye witness accounts. Is the Bible true? I believe the Bible is true, although it may not have happened exactly as it is written. Truth goes far beyond factual accounting. Truth is in the heart of those who believe. Have a wonderful May long weekend and remember to find God in everything you do.