How to love your mother ...

In the most recent past I have made a large shift in my life.  I cannot believe the chaos it has created in my day to day operations.  It is like I have taken a stand against myself and myself is shocked.  Myself is in disarray and confusion.  Myself is asking "what the heck?" Myself is asking "what is she doing?"  Myself is saying "I cannot seem to drag her back into her old habit!" and stomps off in despair.  This is challenging to say the least.

When a person sets out to break a habit that is 20, 30 or even 40 years old the ego is truly compromised.  The ego (another way of saying Edging God Out, however you define GOD) has been in charge for a very long time so when a person allows the passions and the deep yearnings to surface and be the driving force the ego is displaced.  Funny how that happens.

It is not easy to drop the ego and stand on passion.  Society and culture do not support a passion driven life and marketing is geared to rev up the ego and drive materialist needs.  Live in a nice house, own property, own clothes, drive a nice car, articulate what you do for a living, standardize your hair style, lose that five pounds, etc., etc.,

I have this photo of my mother and I over my desk in my work space.  I have built a name for my business using her name and part of my dad's name and I have spent the last 10 years since her death trying to reconcile with how to love her from beyond.  I remember people telling me when I was caring for her to enjoy her as I would be sad when she died.  I did not believe them, now I do.  I wish I had her back because I am now living in the space where she lived after I was born.

My mother was 40 years old when she had me ... so right now I would have been eighteen years old when she was 58.  How would I cope with a 18 year old right now?  In a changing world where I look to my children's children and it scares me what kind of life they will have on a planet that we are slowly depleting the resources.  A place were there will be war over water and a place where the threat of complete annihilation is always only the push of a red button away at any given moment.

I am learning how to love my mother by living the best I can.  As I develop and grow myself I do it in honour of my mother's contribution to this plant in her own way.  She developed me the best way she knew how and I now can honour her by being my passionate and holistic self.

How do you love your mother ... mother earth, mother of ideas, mother of your soul ...

Am I Dorothy or one of the others?

I love setting goals that are outside most comfort zones and then fulfilling them.

Yesterday I completed the first of many appearances on stage as a singer! I stepped out of my zone and registered for the Barrie Music Festival and had the adjudicator tell me how I am able to lift my voice in song and round out my own personal story.

It was such a thrill.

The last time I was at the music festival was in 8th grade! I love to sing and now I have a medal to tell me I can! I feel like one of the characters from The Wizard of Oz ... I have got my degree, I have got my medals of courage and strength, and I know I have heart!

Over the past few years, since 2014 I have been struggling to discover who I am and where my strengths lie. I had spent 10 years giving of myself to a career I thought was my life's work only to be rejected, stoned and crucified emotionally and spiritually. This took such a toll on my heart and soul.

The easiest thing to do was to bury myself in the bottom of a wine bottle. Well not even a bottle it was a 4-litre box of wine and not even a 4-litre box ... it was two and sometimes three boxes a week. In the summer of 2015 I found my therapist Jennifer who specializes in NLP and it was the beginning of my work. I personally had to dig deep and CHOOSE to build a new life around my strengths and my desire to feel well again in all the areas of health. Emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally. Jennifer is a blessing to my life as I continue to work hard everyday.

The first part of my journey I uncovered much of the damage that was being masked by the coping mechanisms I lived out daily in my life. I assessed and spent time inside my own body and thoughts to see where life was being derailed. It is not easy work and yet it is so rewarding. I am still at it and will be at it for the rest of my life.

One of the daily tasks I set out to accomplish is to practice calming breaths and touching base hourly, sometimes minute by minute, with my inner thinking. It is crucial to my well-being and my daily accomplishments.

2019 is a milestone year for me and I am growing toward many bucket list goals that will set the pace for My Next 30 Years! You can too ...

#whatsinitforme

#whatsinitforme is a motto I adopted in 2018 not to be selfish, to be mindful of my needs in this life...

I began a journey to be mindful of my own need at the beginning of this year and already I am reaping the benefits of this motto.  Not because I have become selfish and arrogant but because I am mindful of what I need to be healthy and happy every day!  

Today, April 4, 2018 I will complete one of my goals this year which is singing at the Barrie music festival.  The last time I sang in the festival was in grade 8, in the 70's, where Rosemary always took first place!  I never placed when I sang and was always feeling like I was in her shadow!  I met Rosemary in the last couple of years and I told her this and we had a laugh because she never knew and certainly did  not win the festival to spite me.  She won because she has a beautiful voice.

This mindfulness is taking me on a journey inside myself.  Today, April 3, I am days alcohol free.  The last time I could say that I was 20 years old!  Alcohol has been a part of my life for so long I did not know what life was like without it.  How to celebrate successes or how to look myself in the mirror. 

This mindfulness has taken me on a journey of self value!  That is the beginning of the best part of this motto!  I love caring for myself and the doors this 90+ days has opened.  

Watch for more thoughts as I work toward the half ironman and my trip to Ireland to return to my ancestral roots in 2019,  two of the bucket list items I am planning for my 60th birthday.  Putting the pieces together.

Self Identifying and Self Appreciation

As I journey along and weigh in to what it is I have accomplished over the years it tends to come with the baggage I have collected.  Has that happened to you?  I hear voices in my head when I work at speaking my own truth or creating a bio that is positive and uplifting.  Most recently, I was meeting with a person who is trained in NLP and it took her all of about 30 seconds to determine some of my triggers and deeply embedded psychological messages.

I took her advice to heart deeply and began thinking of myself as someone I am looking at from the outside.  If I was to meet me how would I describe me and my accomplishments?  How would I look to myself and this is what I have decided:

" Cynthia is a self-made entrepreneur, who for the last 15 years, has been motivating and inspiring people from a stage and is a natural as a host of momondays.  She is an accomplished speaker sharing time with groups, large and small, who listen for encouragement and support.  Cynthia worked in office administration and dabbled in community theater while raising two children, as a single mother, until 2007 when she decided it was time to go university.  In less than seven years she completed a BA honours and a master’s degree focused on people, specifically the aging population.   She has traveled the world, for study and pleasure, and brings her gifts to the stage.

Cynthia is a certified group fitness coach and personal trainer and she is trained as a healthy eating and weight loss coach.  In 2017 she set her sights on racing and between spring and fall of 2017 she completed six cross country races, three triathlons and a half marathon.  She shares her mostory whenever she is asked.  There is little she has not done, seen or overcome. "

I choose to like me and choose to be proud of my accomplishments and my life just as it stands.  I hear voices that say "don't get too big for your britches" or "you think you are so smart" as they are said with venom and to put me down.  These voices no longer carry weight with me.  I am letting them go.

How about you?  What voices are you hearing that keep you small and insignificant?  What past programming speaks to you and causes you to second guess that desire to succeed?  Think about it and, if you care to, I would love to hear from you!

moHosting momondays Barrie

It is official.  I am now the new moHost of Barrie's popular and successful momondays!  It is an exciting leap in my life to a place where I can build community, share time with others and promote other's wellbeing and passions.  I believe I fit right in!  Be sure to be there for every event you don't want to miss a minute!

momondays Barrie introduction

WHAT IS momondays?

Put storytelling into a blender. Add a dash of personal growth & transformation. Then drop in a load of laughs. Mix in real, live music, and great conversation with some of the nicest people on the planet, then push the ‘high’ setting… and out comes momondays!

Think of momondays® as a variety show bouncing off the walls of personal storytelling... momondays is for all kinds of people like you with a great story and life lessons to share, from people who have never set foot on stage, to professional speakers and everyone in-between!

Each show, you experience five to six speakers, who tell a few personal stories. Some are funny, some are thought-provoking, all are motivating. Plus some local musicians!

What’s more, you get to socialize with all kinds of wonderful people in a fun, positive environment.

So put in your speaker application to speak… or grab some friends and get your fix of heart, humour and happiness. You'll wish every day were a momondays!

momondays Barrie is at Donaleighs Irish Pub!

Every month, Donaleigh's Irish Pub opens its doors to welcome momondays Barrie, exclusively! If you're driving, you'll find parking all over the place.

Advance Tickets $15 or Tickets at the door are $25.

Doors open for advance ticket holders at 5:30 pm for socializing, networking and merry-making.  Come and have a bite to eat from the delicious Donaleigh's Irish Pub menu!

Come early to grab a great seat and give yourself time to eat, drink and socialize! You really do meet the nicest people at momondays!

General admission at 6:30 pm. Show starts at 7 pm sharp.

Don't forget to join our community and keep an eye out for events at

https://facebook.com/groups/momondays.barrie

And please like and subscribe events posted at: facebook.com/momondays/barrie

Pondering a heavy load ..

Recently I was travelling along the highway and I was not late however I did not have oodles of time either.  This being said I was cruising along at the speed limit listening to my iTunes and thinking a lot about the changes I have been making in my life.  Doing this can slow me down as I tend to ponder under the speed limit verses losing sight of my driving and pushing the pedal to the medal.

I was following a school bus, carefully I might add, respecting the flashing lights and watching the kids get on the bus heading to school.  The bus stopped at a driveway and two young people sauntered out the driveway at their own pace, snailing their way across the road and entered the bus.  Off went the lights and the bus moved on.  It moved about two bus lengths and stopped again where an energetic young woman bounded up the drive and across the road and disappeared into the yellow cave.  I noted the time and thought to myself, 'if this keeps up, I will be late for work.'  The flashing red safety lights went out and I contemplated passing until I realized not far ahead was a stop sign so chose to wait.  The bus started up and lo' and behold went two or three more bus lengths and stopped again.  This time another young person moved their way from the drive, across the road and into the bus.  It occurred to me these three stops, could be amalgamated into one stop, if anyone took the initiative to suggest either to the driver, the company organizing the pickups or the parents of these young people to do so.  I was perplexed at this delay of my time, knowing there was a lesson in there somewhere for ME and no one else.  The bus signal indicated a turn at the stop sign and I was pleased as I needed to get on my way.

Just as I arrived at the stop sign myself, after the bus had turned, coming from my left was a dump truck.  Annoyingly, it turned left and headed down the road I was destined to take.

Heavy sigh ... darn!  Lost the bus and gained the truck.  I crossed the road and proceeded to follow the truck.  I watched in amazement as it gained speed and immediately took off ahead of me leaving me in its dust.  I was surprised at the ability of this large truck to pick up speed so quickly and how it managed to be totally out of my way in no time flat.  Hmph ... I thought, what's up with that?  Again pondering the bus and then the truck I knew there was a lesson in there somewhere.

The lesson I realized was in the fact that the truck had an empty bed.  There was nothing in the back of the truck to weigh it down.  The load had been dropped off and there was no thing to weigh it down.  It was free to pick up speed and carry on its way.  I wondered to myself ... "what is in my bucket that is weighing me down?"  ... "Is the load I am carrying so heavy I hold up traffic that may be following me or am I light and burden free enabling me to quickly pick up speed after any given braking?"  The bus was loaded with many stops along its journey and the truck, the one meant to carry a load was free and unencumbered.  Interesting.

I love watching my day to find lessons and spend time assessing my life's journey.  Where can I improve and what can I do to make my own journey easier?  Where do I need to drop a load of crap off at the local toxic waste centre? Where can I amalgamate the stops in my life to make the journey easier and more efficient?  Do I listen if others have suggestions that can lighten my load or spearhead something I am trying to do?

Where can you lighten your load or streamline your life?  It is something I do every day ... think about it .... do you?  Hoo are you kidding ... it is something we can all do~

MeH2018

Like the stars in the sky
there is a plethora of ideas of how to be of help.
Like the stars in the sky
every person is unique and stands alone, looking so close together
yet in reality so far apart.
Like molecules in the body
ever person is dependent on the other to survive.
Like molecules in the body
rejuvenation is possible.
Like thoughts on the mind
people pass like ships in the night.
Like thoughts on the mind
direction is possible.

"mental dis-ease"~ a state of mind or cognitive awareness where it is difficult and takes effort to see hope or light in one's life.  An ongoing presence of bleakness and apathy that impairs the activities of daily living.

Mental health awareness is everywhere.  On tv, on social media, used as a marketing tool (Bell's Let's Talk day) and sprouting up talk lines with a voice at the other end.  But then what?  How can we discern between the levels of severity and ease the burden on our medical system to provide chemicals and prescriptions to heal? How can we as, human vessels of love, be the "pill" needed to bring a person back to homeostasis?

As a person who suffers from depression and waves of apathy, that exponentially compounds various times of the year, I decided to seek out help as I realized,  when bombarded with the awareness marketing strategy, that society is attempting to catch up to the fact that mental stress and mental dis-ease of the thinking and cognitive ability is real and plaguing our culture.  I began a search.  It started with calling the hotlines and getting an appointment with my medical doctor.  It continued with joining social media groups who seem to have a theme of supporting those suffering.  I turned to Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) who, while they are invaluable to those struggling with alcohol addiction, are not conducive to mental health issues and I called the local 211 number only to be told, "I'm sorry, no there is just not the support available."  So what does this mean?

It means the common gatherings of people must begin to support mental health in a proactive way not fearing they are "under-qualified" to manage these kinds of groups.  Spirituality is one of the domains and realms of a complete and healthy lifestyle and can support those in need of mental health support.  Matthew Fox says, "Spirituality is our everyday experiences of depth and deeper meaning and the connection they carry.  Spirituality is present whenever we undergo or observe deeply."  I am now growing into a place where I can and am able to support and help others.  Like the wonderful AA group that self supports and self articulates through those who have suffered, suffers and struggles every day, mental health support can be provided by those who have learned to cope, who fall less often into the pitfalls of this mental dis-ease.  Through community and gathering in the same place in the flesh, people can offer what is lacking in our culture today.  Hand to hand contact, laughter, fun and support.  As little as 50 years ago the church/religious gathering places were filled with people who had a common faith.  As the worldview of common faith in a divine being has been changing the communities have been declining and falling into disarray and disrepair, with faith communities seeing closure to the extent of one congregation a week.

"In order to rise, From its own ashes, A phoenix, First, Must, Burn.” 
― Octavia E. Butler, Parable of the Talents

Rising from the ashes of traditional doctrine is coming the new age of community and gathering.  People are seeking and gathering in ways human kind has not seen in a very long time.  Tribal hunger and pining for community are surfacing and with the erosion of human gathering by social media and isolated friendship seeking are balancing themselves.  Computers and internet are here to stay, however this does not need to undermine the need for spiritual community and one to one gathering.

Come on a journey and remove the obstacles, come for some play time for the adult mind and spirit.  This community gathering will take place beginning January 5, 2018 at West Hill United Church and will focus on Matthew Fox's definition of spirituality by gleefully playing with the psyche and teaching everyone how to be together in adult play.  As a beginning, it will continue for six weeks to seed and bond spirit.  Continuing is evident!  As children, we are told to "grow up", "stop our nonsense" and "be reasonable" ... the creative side of our human condition is stifled.  Come let it breathe!  Come up out of the depths and shake off the doldrums.  Join me and make MeH2018 your movement to a better life.

The evenings are free to attend with an opportunity to offer a free will investment toward supplies and space if desired.  Come, climb up and reach for the sky!  Let's do this!

Find your light in the darkness!