In the most recent past I have made a large shift in my life. I cannot believe the chaos it has created in my day to day operations. It is like I have taken a stand against myself and myself is shocked. Myself is in disarray and confusion. Myself is asking "what the heck?" Myself is asking "what is she doing?" Myself is saying "I cannot seem to drag her back into her old habit!" and stomps off in despair. This is challenging to say the least.
When a person sets out to break a habit that is 20, 30 or even 40 years old the ego is truly compromised. The ego (another way of saying Edging God Out, however you define GOD) has been in charge for a very long time so when a person allows the passions and the deep yearnings to surface and be the driving force the ego is displaced. Funny how that happens.
It is not easy to drop the ego and stand on passion. Society and culture do not support a passion driven life and marketing is geared to rev up the ego and drive materialist needs. Live in a nice house, own property, own clothes, drive a nice car, articulate what you do for a living, standardize your hair style, lose that five pounds, etc., etc.,
I have this photo of my mother and I over my desk in my work space. I have built a name for my business using her name and part of my dad's name and I have spent the last 10 years since her death trying to reconcile with how to love her from beyond. I remember people telling me when I was caring for her to enjoy her as I would be sad when she died. I did not believe them, now I do. I wish I had her back because I am now living in the space where she lived after I was born.
My mother was 40 years old when she had me ... so right now I would have been eighteen years old when she was 58. How would I cope with a 18 year old right now? In a changing world where I look to my children's children and it scares me what kind of life they will have on a planet that we are slowly depleting the resources. A place were there will be war over water and a place where the threat of complete annihilation is always only the push of a red button away at any given moment.
I am learning how to love my mother by living the best I can. As I develop and grow myself I do it in honour of my mother's contribution to this plant in her own way. She developed me the best way she knew how and I now can honour her by being my passionate and holistic self.
How do you love your mother ... mother earth, mother of ideas, mother of your soul ...