.."give us this day our DAILY bread..."

A letter in response to a friend's email......

I have difficulty trying to articulate what I find in your email or what I sense from your words because for me I feel it is not up to me to tell you how to be faithful.  You are bright and have such great thoughts.  Maybe too great (lol) because you think very deeply and therefore lean into what it is that troubles you to try to find answers.

I am finding lately that I am trying to live simply.  Not looking too much into the future and trying not to take on things that are so big that I feel overwhelmed by the thoughts eg environmental issues and the end of the earth as we know it, because truthfully I have lived 53 years and I have some history but it is still a blip on a screen for the years that the earth has existed so who am I to worry about mother earth?  I think she can take good care of herself.  She may cut us off, spit us out and we may cease to exist for a while as humans but in the billions of years the scientists say the earth has existed why are we so arrogant to think we can save the earth? (picture at right is my bunk in Yogyakarta, Indonesia very similar to how I am living right now as I finish up my degree)

So my job is to make my time and the time of those who I care about as rewarding and good as possible.  I am only here for maybe 80years or so ... and I just need to be sure I am a good person, care for the earth as I can and share what I can about what it means to me to do so.  That is all there is for me.

I need to earn enough of a living to feed myself because my children need to tend to their future.  It is not up to me to be sure they are left with millions.  I gave them life by birthing them and they came into this world with the skin on their ass and need to cover that ass as they see fit.

I try to be happy to my own core and worry about what it is that I need to be happy.  I try to help others to be happy and content.  I can't control how they feel I can only listen and then hope they have emptied their cup enough to move on.  Sounds cynical but most people like living in misery and really don't want to be happy, being happy means they may have to relax and let go and enjoy life.  That is not what society teaches us.  Materialism means we are never satisfied .. and need to buy more "stuff" ... so we are conditioned to be discontent.

That all being said ... I struggle too with what it means to be content and find God, god, higher power... and the creator story... who am I?  who I am.. is a big question and only I can answer it.  My faith helps me do so and my faith allows me to trust that there is lessons to be learned, places to be happy, and it is worth the struggle in the long run.

1 comment:

  1. cindy--wonderful, honest words; thank you. watching tvo's 'why poverty?' series and reading about our corporatization of, well, everything physical in _eating animals_ is infuriating. sometimes i find solace in the words of others--paul chekurka, for example--and sometimes in the actions of others--out of the cold, for example--but mostly in the presence of others--family and friends, yourself included.