I look out over the roof of the house next door and I know every flaw in the shingles. I know this because I sit here many hours a day and look upon the same area. It causes me to ponder how I see the rest of the house. I sprint down the stairs and hop in my car, pull out the drive and off I go. The house next door has two very distinctive places in my heart. On the one hand it is a roof with flaws in its shingles and on the other it is the home of my lovely next door neighbour. How do I meld the two?
I was north this weekend to see my family. Twenty two of us gathered around a 30lb turkey and shared in Thanksgiving dinner. It was wonderful to be together with my extended family but even more wonderful was to spend time with my children and my new grandson. I ask myself the same questions, how do I meld the two? My children know me as Mom, their rock and their redeemer. The matriarch of our family nucleus. My siblings know me as the baby of the family who can't seem to content herself. The one who is always searching and the one who it is easy to tsk tsk and shake their head at, "will she ever settle down?" I feel the pull of power on one hand and yet the vulnerability of a child on the other; a little girl once again.
However, today I am back on my game. Studying Greek, preparing for a quiz. Preparing to read a chunk of work and write a 350 page observation for tonight's class and I reviewed the scriptures for this Sunday so I can build a strong message and help others find God through my study. The weekend was exhausting for me. I blame it on the wine but I think it is the stress of being a child/little sister in one place, a mom in the other, and thirdly, my own person. That is hard work and we all face it.
God helps me remember I am a child of the universe, a sister to all those around me and a mother to my children and to the teaching of Jesus Christ. How do I meld them all? With the love and guidance of my God ... Creator, Redeemer, Sustainer. Giving Thanks to my God everyday and remembering who is in charge of my heart!